3 more days!!!

I just got a call informing me that one of the children from the care points had passed away. He was about 9 or 10; he drowned. My heart broke, tears filled my eyes, I took a break from my to-do list and reminded myself, once again, what its all about...eternity...

1 week!!!! Omg I am soooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!! :-)

So I was thinking today about my life, who I was once, who I am now, you know the person I have grown to become. I am obviously still Zinty, but I have also grown, changed, learned, picked up things along the way...and it made me realize how key it is to approach life as a 'student'...we don't come out of the womb as the complete person we are meant to be( knowing everything we are meant to know and stuff), however, we come out of the womb with a mind and a heart that are ready to absorb and 'take it all in' and, as we do we, grow into who we were meant to be...

8 days...

So I feel like I'm wrestling...so I looked up this Scripture cause I was like oh yeah there's a Scripture that talks about that, and then I read it and was like, uhh, don't really understand. So I am going to look at it some more :-), and please feel very free to share your insights...

Genesis 32:24-30

So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.

Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

9 days...

So, i have kinds of figured out the past few days, well, at least I feel that I can explain it( my need to have things explained is another thing that we-the Lord and I are working on-). You see, I have been living in this place, this new place. I think I can call it Faith-ville. It's the place where faith is no longer optional, but rather necessary, vital, you need it and there's no way around it!! For a long time I lived in this other place where faith was optional. I could choose to have it and other times I was ok without it(cause I would draw from my 'own abilities'. I had come up with a system where my faith in God was selective. He, of course, did not put His stamp of approval on it, but rather graciously brought me 'to my senses'

...and so I embarked on the journey to Faith-ville. On my journey I experienced things such as 'surrender', 'trust', 'brokenness', 'His ways vs my way( His ways winning over mine! :-)), and great joy and peace

...eventually, I arrived in Faith-ville and, well, as a newcomer I have found that, first of all, it took a while for me to realize that I had arrived in Faith-ville and secondly, I did not know 'how to live' in Faith-ville...

...so now I am learning what it looks like being in Faith-ville, and i have just learned one thing that will make my stay here much more 'pleasant'. When you are in Faith-ville, you become more fully aware of your inadequacy, you realize that you are powerless without Him, truly and utterly inadequate and powerless, but with that realization, must also come the realization of the truth that 'that is how He wants it'. He wants you to be the empty vessel into which He can pour Himself into. It's not just ok for me to have all these questions and needs, it's how He meant it to be...He is the good Father who is waiting to give His children good gifts, all kinds of good gifts...Because of my twistedness, I was totally thrown off and even afraid of my feelings/awareness of how inadequate I am without Him, of how much I need Him (for the simple day to day, basic stuff!!!). I felt like I was doing something wrong by needing Him so much(yeah, like I said, I am twisted! :-)- He graciously untwists me!)

Have this up on my desk(thanks Nat!) from Streams in the Desserts:

"Bring them here to me. Matthew 14:18...Do you find yourself at this very moment surrounded with needs,and nearly overwhelmed with difficulties, trials, and emergencies? Each of these is God's way of providing vessels for the Holy Spirit to fill...Firmly hold the vessels before Him, in faith and in prayer. Remain still before Him, and stop your own restless working until He begins to work... Philippians 4:19 What a source- God! What a supply- His glorious riches! What a channel- Jesus Christ...In His great love, He has thrown open to you His exhaustive treasury.Go in and draw upon Him in simple childlike faith, and you will never again have the need to rely on anything else!"

I need to read that everyday for the rest of my life!!!! :-)

10 days...

until I am in Zimbabwe!!! I am so so so excited!!! I get to see the most amazing man ever!!! :-) and be where my heart is!!! yay!!!...and it's almost Christmas!!! Lots of reasons to celebrate!!! :-)...prayers for a safe, fruitful, fun trip to Zimbabwe would be greatly appreciated!!!

He is good...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Its my weakness that perfects Your power?

...so I have been analyzing my situation as described in the previous post, and I think I may have discovered something! :-)...I remember a time when I loved God, loved Him very much, but also told Him I would not trust Him with certain things concerning my life. It was this agreement we had(or I thought I had :-)), and well, it seemed to work well because it kept me 'in control'...I am no longer in that place. I have since learned that He is way better being 'in control', pretty much I have learned that trust is the basis of our relationship..."...without faith, it is impossible to please God because whoever comes to Him must believe not only that He exists, but also that He rewards those who diligently seek Him"

...Then I was the boss and did not need to trust because well I decided what i did, I made the plans, I loved God, just didn't trust Him(or at least trust Him enough) and so there was no need for any test, there was no faith to be tested...

...Now, He is the boss and our relationship is all about trust, and faith, and I guess my faith is being tested, and tests are not supposed to be fun right(I actually liked tests in school...:-)), but they are necessary for us to go to the next level...and so I guess the next level awaits on the other side of this test...ok lets do it!...

Did anybody say battlefiled??

"I'll risk it all if you make me like You"

I said that that, sang that, and i meant it, I really did. I was willing to give it all up...for Him, I still am...I just have been having some really intense battles in my mind concerning this idea of risking all, giving up all, it's like all of a sudden I am so much more acutely aware of the all that I am being asked to risk or give up, and my mind is struggling with 'accepting' it. Its really weird and well, I don't like it at all!!! Can I just say that? I don't like it, I hate it,It sucks, highly sucks!!!...its not the giving it all up that sucks;its more the realsing that I am all of a sudden having such a hard time with it, not the 'normal struggles' you're 'supposed' to have, no I am having the specially made for you struggles, you know the one that make you think, " I can' t do this, I don't want to do this" and even as the words roll off your tongue you are struck with shame as you realize that you are saying to the One who gave you His life, "I don't trust You" and at the same time struck with anger as you realize the lies that you have somehow allowed to consume you!!!

...So I read Scriptures like this one from 2 Corinthians 5: " And He died for all that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again" and I think of Him who died as He prayed in the Garden, "Take this cup from me if you can", and I am acutely aware of the 'smallness' of the sacrifice He is asking me to make and also reminded of my love for Him...I want to give it all up for Him because I love Him..." For Christ's love compels us..."...and I am like ok, let's do this. It won't be easy, there's no plan all set out for me necessarily, lots of faith will be required, but let's do this!! And I am good...

...and then another 'situation' comes up and my mind goes crazy again. I am talking crazy craziness!!! ...So I go and spend some time with Him and again He helps me see that things will be ok, even more than ok, and again I am sure of what He is asking me to do...and then something else happens, a need, a situation I can compare myself to, a thought, a question, a doubt, something else I don't have and I am back to the mind going crazy deal!!!!...the thing is I know all the right things to 'think', I know the truth, that's not the problem...really its like there's a battle going on in my mind...I will keep fighting as long as I have to, it's just really tiring and far from fun!!!...

...I guess I am sharing this so you can pray for me cause I definitely need lots of that, and maybe if anyone else can relate you can be encouraged somehow, I guess by knowing you're not the only one having crazy mind moments!! :-)

Peace...

Some 'goodness' from Natalie's blog...

And then you have “peace”, the beauty of peace. We JUST CAN NOT form it, develop it, make it, or buy it…. it’s His to give and ours to take and without time with Him, there is none to be had in our life.

HE IS THE LIFE>>>> HE IS THE PEACE! IT IS HIM WE NEED

My most favorite man has started blogging and I am excited!!!!!!! :-)

www.lungilencube.blogspot.com

You have not because you ask not...

So today is one of those days, yes, one of those days!!! I have been holding myself back all morning, trying to be polite(or at least just quiet). I am as frustrated as can be, and want to let it all out in ways that may not necessarily be kind...I am just arrrghhhhh, mad, upset, angry, furious, thinking what the heck!!!!!!!!!! screaming inside my head aaarrrggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

...I love and appreciate greatly the fact that the Lord does not ask me to come before Him all nicely put together, that He not only sees, but ,yes ,feels my frustration...wow, what an awesome God!!!! I am learning about being honest and vulnerable (thanks, Lungile :-)) and how I am so good at 'putting up a show' that so many times I don't even realize I'm doing it...today, I really am too frustrated to 'put up a show'...for anyone, I am thankful that He loves me still...He speaks to me in the midst of my frustration and says, "Ask...Ask me...for the peace your heart so desperately needs, for the love you seem to have run out of, for the comfort, the GRACE to do this...to the glory of my Name, for My glory"...

...and so, Lord I ask you for all of those things and everything else I need to walk through this frustration reflecting You, loving You... and being loved by You...

Choosing not to worry...resting in His love...

...so I was talking to Lungile(the most amazing man in the world :-)) the other day and telling him about how I was nervous about something that I had to do. He responded with some wise words which pretty much boiled down to the Scripture in 1 John that talks about perfect love casting out fear...I have been thinking a lot about that, and it's alarming how 'fearful' I can be, how uneasy I can get when things are not just right, how worry takes over when my physical circumstances are less than perfect...clearly there is a lack of perfect love, not that the Lord is not loving me perfectly, but more that I am not receiving His love...the more I thought about it, the more I analyzed it, the more issues I saw that I have! :-)...so this is not about how I have figured it out and sorted all my issues, I wish it was, but its not! :-) Its about how I am going to get started on this journey( or rather continue) and learn to receive...His love...

You have not because you ask not...He wants us to ask...to ask Him...He loves us, its not just a verse or a song, a cool thing to say or a line from a sermon, it's truth, truth, just as true or even more true than this white wall(with a ton of stuff up cause I like to put a ton of things up on my wall :-)) in front of me...so I will be saying to myself all day today and tomorrow and the next day and forever, He loves me!!!!...

All He Asks For...

...is my heart, ALL OF IT, so I'm giving it to Him, not cleaning it up first, not fixing things I don't even know are broken, not covering it up with pretty things on the outside, JUST GIVING IT TO HIM...

...As we come to You with our fresh battle wounds and no one to heal them BUT YOU..." Becca

It's been exactly 39 days today...

... since i started dating the most amazing man in the world...yes I said the most amazing man in the world!!...I know, I thought Wentworth Miller was as good as it got, but I was mistaken!! :-)...Lungile Ncube came along and well I can't get this smile off of my face!!!:-)...

Ok, I'll be serious now, I really am so so thankful for an absolutely amazing man who loves the Lord passionately and is 'running this race' with me...

...I forgot to mention that he rocks the guitar and is an aspiring poet:-)

Ok, pictures!! :-)

Like I said, he's an incredible musician (and i am not just dating him so I can get free lessons! :-P)
Him playing, me singing, we make a pretty good team! :-)...

...and a cute couple! :-)

Thoughts from the Front desk...

I am sitting in for the receptionist at the front desk, a task that is not on my top 10 favorite things to do! :-)...I've been reading The Shack by William Young and thought I'd share some stuff that I appreciated,

" The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can percieve, which often much isn't much, and then call that God.And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I rally am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think."

" You on the other hand were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."...

I am half way through this book and think it will make it to Zinty's top 5. I am in this place right now where I didn't even realise I was. Actually, I really don't even know where this place is that I am; I just know that something inside of me is stirred, maybe even healed as I read this story that is reaching to depths inside of me that I didnt' know were there...again, thank You, Father...

More Zim...I mean I can't just get enough!! :-)

My new 'mums' :-)...

Love these girls so much!!!...


And this one!!! :-)

Zie and the boys :-)

And...saving the best for last :-)...just thought I should let you all know that Zinty has moved on from Wentworth Miller to bigger and better things!!!!!!!!!:-)...

As promised...

My Zimbabwean dad and mum:-)...pastor Dixon and his wife, love them!!!!Nomsa, the pastor's wife at Mashivngo, one of the care points...just one of the amazing people who radiate Christ's love in a way that captured my heart...

While the men had an awesome time of repentance...

The girls had a blast competing against each other...my team won! :-)..."I'm feeling ginger! :-)"
Sunday was awesome...

Saurestown,where we had the second service was beyond awesome!!!....

I don't think I've said how awesome Sunday was!!!...


Yeah, pretty much one the most amazing Sundays ever!!!...

Stretching...

So, I am going through this, uhh this situation and it's pretty much the Lord asking me to lay my heart out there even if the risks of it being crushed (again) are high...yeah that is what He does for me everyday, every moment, it's love, I know what it is, but yesterday and a few days before that I wanted nothing to do with it. I was like, Lord, no no no, please anything else, but this!!!!! I just did not want to do it, broken hearts are not fun, and I was done so so done, but I obeyed because I love Him (I didn't feel too loving right then! )...and then I cried and cried and go this text from someone who is very special to me!! :-),

It was Hosea 10: 12 and it said, " Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap the fruit of unfailing love,and break up your unploughed ground; for it is time to seek the lord until he comes and showers righteousness onyou."

I knew it was for me; I cried again!! Then I went to Bible Study and shared my situation with my friends there...Kristin shared something encouraging with me. Pretty much she told me God was calling me to do this thing that I felt I could not do to 'increase my capacity'; He knows I can do it even though I feel I can't (and don't want to!!!!). I cried some more (yes, lots of crying for this girl!! :-))...I looked at the Scripture again: sow righteousness. What is righteousness? Doing the right thing, doing it God's way...so pretty much do the right thing and then love will come...I cried again...then I decided I was going to do the right thing even if it took all the strenght I cloud master up and trust Him to bring the love...and He has, He so has, I can't really share all the details, but I can say that once again He has so come through ( He always does!!)...Susan shared something at Bible Study after my 'prayer request'. She talked about 'finishing strong'...hmm yeah, this 'season' of my life has been an awesome time of giving of myself in various ways, and now I am tired...I need to run back to the Source; I need to make a pit stop; I need to refill cause it's not over yet...there is more loving, more giving, more dying, more fighting to do...



the rest of the Scripture from Hosea talked about unploughed ground...there is still more to be done- in and through me...



so we keep going...

Zimbabwe...

I wish I could open up my heart and lay it on here, it is so full, so full right now!!!...The Lord has been speaking to this girl, saying a lot, a lot!!!...

Zimbabwe, wow, wow, wow... I never knew that a place could capture your heart, that you could have a broken heart from leaving a place...even now my heart hurts...but its good, yeah it is, gosh I don´t even know where to start...love, love, and more love is what I received in Zim, a deeper revelation of suffering that brings great maturity, trails that bring true joy...I saw something in the hearts of the many awesome people I got to meet there and I was jealous for it...

I read this from a devotional, " The education of our faith is incomplete if we have yet to learn that God´s providence works through loss, that there is a ministry to us through failure and the fading of things, and that He gives the gift of emptiness. It is, in fact, the material insecurities of life that cause our lifves to be spiritually... we must all learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season, but the Giver is the only eternal love"...the Giver is the only eternal love...that is the message He has been speaking to my heart, even as He has showerd all these amazing gifts on me (yes, so many!!),He is enough, always enough...

...so back to Zimbabwe...pics will follow soon, I promise...but for now, here are my words :-)... my first night there I met an amazing lady, Aunty Kay, the circumstances surrounding our meeting was me puking in the bathroom at youth, and her cleaning up my puke (yes, I said cleaning up my puke!!), and then just sitting with me and loving me as I sat in the bathroom having one of the worst headaches I have ever had...

The next day, we went to a Womens Sports day where I got to hang with some amazing women who the Lord has delivered from some pretty rough stuff...my team one by the way! :-)...that night we hung out with the leadership team and some pasotrs...goodness, just amazing, awesome goodness...then Sunday, church...hmmm yeah, hmmm yeah...we attended two services, the second service was in a town called Saurstown where I got to lead worship with some awesome people (I´m talking crazy, passion for Jesus! and just good fun!:~)), and we hadn´t even practiced!! It was awesome...Monday and Tuesday we went out to the middle of nowhere and visited some care points- it makes no sense to me, but there, in the middle of nothingness, where we could not find any food in every single store we went to, there in the middle of nowhere, my heart was captured once again...I fell in love with a place...

I cried when leaving( did I mention I was travelling with 3 guys- Ben, Patrick, and Mark) and well, yeah the guys tried their best to be nice to the really emotional girl! :-)...but it was more than just emotions, it was a broken heart, my heart was being torn away from this place that it has fallen in love with, and it hurt...

Zimbabwe was a gift to me in many ways. I am so so glad I got to go, I cannot wait to return...

To you I give my life...

...not just the parts I want to

TO YOU I sacrifice....

.... these dreams that I hold on to

To you I give my future...

to you I give my past

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine...

This is no sacrifice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

HERE'S MY LIFE...

I am my Beloveds and He is mine!!!

Sitting in Ps. Ron's class going through the Journey of Israel. Ps. Ron is pretty intense, hardcore, serious business, and the book we're doing now is really thick and really deep...basically there's a lot to take in,a lot of do this and that and don't do this and that, etc, yeah, a lot! The funny thing is I'm still sitting here not overwhelmed by it all, but rather taking note so quickly my hand hurts because my heart is hungry for this. This brings me to a question, 'Why, why is my heart hungry for this?' The answer, 'Because I love Him!' Simple, right there, that's it! I love Him, I love Him( only and only because He first loved me and continues to draw me!) I am hopelessly in love with this King, yes so hopeless I will choose a 270 page book( wit not even one pic) over a night out with friends because it draws me closer to Him and THAT'S ALL I WANT, HIM, HIM HIM!!!

Ps. Ron said something during class, basically he said that the difference between the Old Testament and the New is this:

OT: the law was written on tablets of stone
NT: the law is written on our hearts

HE HAS WON MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Tears part 2

Saturday...

The past couple days 3 different things have 'broken my heart'. Yesterday it was a random picture of someone I barely know and the sound of some songs that both brought me to the point of tears. These two things reminded my heart of a particular place and as I thought of this place it broke my heart, my eyes cried and I had to look away from the picture and walk away from the sound of the songs...I guess the best way I can explain it is, well actually, I have no explanation (for once in my life :-))...

The third thing happened today...this man came up to the gate (at Natalie's where I spent the night). He rang the bell thing and I answered; He asked if he could provide us with 'the service of grass-cutting during this rainy season' I said, 'No thank you, we're fine.' He walked down the driveway; I watched him from the window, then it happened again, my heart broke, so I prayed for him, I prayed a lot for him, then the tears came and came and I prayed for myself. I prayed for grace and provision so I could be a b lessing; I prayed that He would teach me to be content in a ll situations...my heart is till broken for that man, for many like him, for myself...

Today's a holiday here in Swaziland, but I'm at the office getting stuff done, no I'm not a workaholic who has no life! :-), but I am driven and determined to meet our goal of 600 new Child Profiles by the end of Sept...plus it'll make a huge difference in the lives of hundreds of children...

so anyway, I'm here, KB and Nomty are here too, but its pretty quiet, I like it...I've been uploading profiles onto the beloved ftp site! :-), labeling pics, etc...and of course browsing through blogs...I was looking at someone's blog and came across a picture of someone I know, but barely and it brought tears to my eyes, I'm talking serious tears here...I was like what the heck! Why am I crying?? The pic wasn't even sad or anything, and yes I am a girl, and girls cry about everything, but come on, a random pic of someone I barely know!!...well, the pic represented something, a place, and when I saw it these feelings in me were stirred pretty deeply...I don't know, don't even know what I'm trying to say really...I guess I'm wondering what exactly it is He is stirring in me...and why...

a couple random pics :-)...

I thought this was a gorgeous sky!


Just being myself! :-)

Home Visits part 1

We are in the middle of training with our MoM field reps, which is just a fancy name for the amazing people who daily love and care for the children at Mercy Centers. Today we went out to Zombodze Mercy Center in a community which, much like most of the communities we work in, is plagued by poverty. Our purpose was to do home-visits, another fancy name for the time MoM field reps spend getting to know the children we work with as more than just a number or a face. For our first home visit, we went to the home of woman named Xolile. I think it was the combination of the humble home into which we were welcomed as well as the sight of Xolile sitting on a mat on the floor with the children she cares for that caused each one of us to pause, take it all in, and remember once again what a privilege it is to serve communities, gogos(grandmothers), and children!

Xolile has no children of her own, but cares for the children and grandchildren of her deceased brothers and sisters. One of the girls she cares for, Nokwanda, is sick and requires much care in terms of time as well as finances. Xolile told us how she could not believe it when she was told that Nokwanda’s medical needs would be taken care of completely by the people at the Mercy Center, and not just financially. The teachers and MoM field rep at the Mercy Center all work together to make sure Nokwanda takes her medicine at the right time with the right amount of food. If it wasn’t for the help she is receiving, Xolile doesn’t think Nokwanda would still be alive. She could not stop talking about how she can now ‘rest’ because she knows her children will receive a meal, and more!

She had the children smile so we could see how white their teeth were as she said, “Before the Mercy Center was here, we never brushed our teeth, and now look at our beautiful smiles!” Zethu, another of the children Xolile looks after could not stop smiling as I took pictures of her. Her parents are both alive, but unemployed and unable to provide for Zethu’s basic needs. Xolile took Zethu in when she was just a baby, and has cared for her as her own child since. We prayed with Xolile and the children before we left, once again thankful for the privilege of serving, of being His hands and feet, of being a part of something that is a matter of life and death, something that will last through eternity!

Let's Pray!!!

http://www.30-days.net

Remember that millions of Muslims around the world will be gathering for prayer today. They will also be thinking about the fasting period starting for them during Ramadan. While some Muslims are obviously very committed and dedicated to this time, others find it a burden and struggle.

Please take some time to commit the next month of prayer to the Lord. The "30 Days" of intercession starts in a few days. Hundreds of thousands of Christians around the planet will be praying with us for Muslim people. Spiritual forces of darkness are very active in opposing prayer, evangelism, Bible translation efforts medical care, social work against injustice, etc.

We will probably find some spiritual opposition in our own lives in the coming weeks as we pray. Let us prepare ourselves for the struggle. Meditate on these texts: Ephesians 6:10-20, James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8-9, 2 Kings 6:16-17

Choosing to see...

So this past weekend was awesome!!! No, I didn't do a 24 all-nighter, and no, I didn't go on a hot date with Wentworth Miller :-)...

On Saturday, Natalie and I went to an area called Msunduza. It's pretty much the ghetto of Mbababe! :-) HPC was out there doing Servolution the other weekend so we decided to go back and visit some of the amazing people we met. We visited the home of our friends Solomon and Precious, then Precious took us to gogo's (a really old, really precious lady) house where we just chilled for a while. Then it got really exciting!!...We brought out the paraffin stove, fried some chicken and Precious and Natalie cooked some pap. We had about 20 children outside gogo's little house just chilling with us (they danced for us and we gave them sweets :-) ) So, anyway, when the pap and chicken was ready, we couldn't just tell the kids to leave so we had them get into little groups and gave each group a plate of food. It wasn't much, but they loved it, and I think we loved it more!...

I live in Swaziland,in Africa, have lived here all my life pretty much. I have relatives who live in places like Msunduza. This was not something new to me, or maybe I should say this wasn't something foreign to me. It seemed so different, though...

gogo's little house, the paraffin stove with the pot of chicken over it, the children hanging out by the door, gogo's precious little face...it's like I saw it, I really saw it kinda the way Jesus sees it, and I loved it, really loved it all. I can't wait to go back and cook chicken on the paraffin stove, dance with the kids, chat with Precious, rub gogo's back...

There's so much around us, so much life, so much life to be a part of, to take in, this weekend I chose to see it, take it in, and it was amazing!!!!...

I'll get pcis from Natalie and post soon :-) ...oh and I made a new friend, Tracy, she's about 5, I think and she's so so cute!! :-)

A month later :-)

Just read an awesome story on Natalie's blog...

Had some an amazing past month- yes it's been a month since I last blogged!!! it's been amazing and crazy busy! :-)... some stuff I've been thinking bout...

Miracles…deep inside, we all long for them, and yet at the same time we are afraid that they will not happen and so we keep our desire from the hidden away in the safety of our hearts and minds. We reason that if no one else knows what we hope for it is somehow less heartbreaking when it does not come to pass…

as children we dreamed of impossible things; we removed all limits from our imaginations; we hoped. We dreamed, we believed. Then we grew up and our dreams did no come true, our hopes were shattered, our belief betrayed. So we did what any normal person would do- we put up the walls, got ourselves some protection, prepared for failure. The problem with that is well, its wrong!

We had it right when we were children. The kingdom of God (a kingdom of power, miracles, dreams that are fulfilled beyond our wildest imagination) is revealed to little children. The thing is miracles; supernatural acts of God still happen, o they do! Everything He ever said about Himself (Faithful, Almighty, Loving, Kind) is all still true; every promise He ever made still stands. Miracles…deep inside we know that’s what we were made for; deep inside we know that because our Father, Lover, and Friend is God; the Creator of the universe, our lives should and can be nothing less that extraordinary, supernatural, miraculous! “Give us back our childlike faith!”

25, finally!! :-)

I was 16 years old, went to bed, and when I woke up I was 25!! …but that’s for another blog. :-)…

My birthday, yesterday, was all I could have wanted it to be (from the kidnappers to the car fiasco- Natalie, can I borrow that word? :-)), thanks to the Lord, who continues to lavishly pour the gift of friendship on Zinty, and yes Zinty is still loving it :-)…birthdays are pretty much a big deal to me, and I love that the Lord knows that, and He made sure I had an amazing day! Lord, wow, thank you, thank you, that You always do exceedingly, abundantly above!!!

Pics to follow soon!!! :-)

The thing with crowns...

So, you make all this progress with the Lord, and it’s great, absolutely great, you’re growing, finally!! :-) yay, yay, yay, yes, it’s so worth 3 yays!!

Then, you start to pray the good Christian prayer, ‘Lord, keep me humble”. And, being the good Lord that He is, He answers you, soon, even! :-) But again, because He’s so good, His answer isn’t what you expected (I mean really what were you expecting??:-))…His answer is something like this, “If I’m going to make you humble, I’m going to have to remove this pride in you.” And He doesn’t just say that, He shows you the pride, you see it, and it’s ugly (I mean, did you think it would be pretty??:-)). So, your prayer begins to sound more like this, “O Lord, this pride is so so ugly, O Lord, I am weak, I am prideful, please, please, loving Father, take it away, take it away, I need You, I need You” and then you just cry out to Him, cause you just, well, that’s just all you can do!! And He pats you on the shoulder and says hey, read this:

They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being." Rev 4:11

And so , you lay your crown at his feet, realizing, yet once again, that crowns are great, and He wants to give you a crown, but the best place for your crown is not on your head, but rather at His feet!!! You worship Him, thanking, Him, oh so thankful for His grace, and again fully aware that this is a lesson you will learn yet again in the future…

“I Need This Old Train to Break Down” :-)Jack Johnson

The past few days I have been ‘broken down’ physically. Yes, the infamous Swazi ‘flu’ had its hold on me. The headaches, the all-over-the body- aches, the runny nose, the stuffed nose, the teary eyes, the sore, sore, sore throat, all of it!!!!! It pretty much was not fun!!! I am so glad to be well again!!! :-) …I have, however, during this time of sickness been forced to slow down, and do some reflection. It’s been pretty good…:-)

I stepped out of my life, looked in, and saw some good stuff, some great stuff. I have so much to be thankful for. I am not just saying this; I really do have a lot to thank God for!!!

1. My amazing ‘circle of friends’!! The thing with friends is when you have them you think it’s just, you know, something everyone has, but there was a time when I was seriously lacking in the area of solid Christian support and just people to laugh with. However, the past couple of years or so, however, God opened the doors of heaven and rained down some friends for Zinty! :-)and Zinty loves it!! :-)

2. My wonderful family. They are not perfect, I know all of their worst fault, and they know mine!!! But we love each other and continue to make some great memories…and restore some broken relationships…

3. My work. Seriously, to be able to go to a place you call work and love what you do is a huge blessing and that’s all I’ll say about that!! :-)

4. My church. It’s like God said, ‘let’s try this church thing again, and this time let’s see if we can make it work’. Again, it’s not perfect, but I love that I get to call this church my home!!

5. My Jesus!!!

Confessions of an Addict?? 

“Zinty, why are you home early, today?”

Every member of my family, yes, all 4 of my siblings as well as my mum and dad asked me this question when I got home today. At first, it was actually quite funny- the expressions on their faces and the tone in their voices were pretty hilarious. Then I was like, uhh, is it a good thing that my family is so surprised that I’m home early?? I mean it wasn’t even like I was early; early was just a relative term. My mum even said, “It’s so nice to see my baby girl in the house before dark!”….

My point? Somehow, between January (when I made a resolution to leave work at 5 everyday no matter what) and now, I have sunk back into my ‘workaholic’ tendencies. I love to do a good job! If you’re going to do something, then do it well, do your absolute best! Yes, yes, and yes, but you see there’s thing called balance, and it’s pretty useful and I tend to lack balance a lot! I do my ‘job’ well (at least I think so:-)), and I love that I do that, but that’s not all I was created to do well. There’s my amazing family, incredible friends, me :-), and of course my Precious Lord Jesus! All of those things require just as much excellence, just as much 100% of me. I guess it all goes back to priorities, and again, I seem to have those mixed up more often than not!...So, here I am, having fallen pretty much flat on my face, again! :-) I am getting up again!:-) and I’m going to try yet once again! :-) to work on balance, priorities, doing things with excellence, doing life with excellence- all of it!!

So proud of my big sis!!

Alice Chasusa

Meet Alice Chasusa who holds a degree in theology, used to teach RE in Swaziland, but is now a news reader on Zambezi Radio 107.5 fm here in Livingstone! Alice guested on our show on Sunday night The Chanters Lodge Experience With The Milli Jam Ingredient, and she's a natural having joined 107.5 fm recently after a lengthy audition process.

Milli Jam walked straight into a trap, given Alice's theology degree, by asking me what was on the blog this week. Yup! Straight in with the story about the priest, the nun, and Psalm 129 which you'll find a couple of posts back. Particularly relevant not only because of Alice's religious background, but also because Milli Jam's battling to present "Gospel Highway" on 107.5 at, wait for it, 06.00 hours every Sunday morning! "If you're not well informed you might miss an opportunity" I told listeners and riskily told the tale of the priest in the car who fancied a nun, but didn't know Psalm 129 which allegedly says "go forth and seek, further up you will find glory". (Actually when you look it up it doesn't say that at all but it's a good story!)"Why didn't you become a nun?" I asked Alice. "I'm looking for adventure!" was the reply "so was the nun in that story!" Said I.

Alice was brought up in Swaziland and studied there as well as in Illinois, USA. "Weren't you roped in to become one of the King of Swazi's umpteen wives?" I wanted to know. "If you're a foreigner you're not obliged to accept" said Alice, without saying whether she'd been proposed or not, going on to explain that for some of the many young Swazi girls who do marry the King, it's regarded as an honour.

The music on the show was nice. Alice likes Luther Van Ross so we played "I'd Rather" which was good and there was some Westlife and Dolly Parton to keep the listeners happy. Milli Jam wanted to know why Alice wasn't married to anyone, never mind the King of Swazi. "Haven't found Mr Right!" "Boyfriend?" "No!" - you could almost hear some of the listeners' increased interest! I wanted to know how it happened that she'd given up a good job teaching to come and read news on local radio, but all Alice would say was that she had a passion for broadcasting, and who was I to disagree?Milli Jam wanted to know who we'd had staying at the Lodge so we told of the Manhattan Muscle Man and Don Mackay's group from Chitokoloki Mission. "Such VIP's at Chanters" sighed Milli Jam!
Tags: africa, zambia, radioshow, guests, lodge, livingstone
Tuesday 22 April 2008 - 07:07AM (EET)
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Hmmm

“Jesus never watered down the cost of following Him in hopes that Peter would then choose to follow. If Peter chose the path with Christ, it would mean for Him that one day he would be taken against his will and dragged off to be killed. If he wanted to live a life of love and allegiance to the Christ, it would cost him his life. We too are called to a path filled with uncertainty, mystery and risk…It’s not fair or equitable…when you follow the call, you must recognize that it is a life an death proposition…this is not a cattle call…your life is unique before God, and your path is yours alone…’If I want John to live and you to die, what is that to you, your part is to follow me, My part is to lead the way’ Jesus

Erwin McManus, Barbarian Way

Promoting prayer...:-)

You don't CNN or BBC or whoever to let you know that the world we live in is pretty messed up; leaders are corrupt, people are dying, entire nations are being destroyed...the wannabe politician in me wants to stand up in front of the world and make a speech that'll change everything!!!...we all know there is no such speech and I would never make it as a politician( my charisma exceeds my political skill!! :-))...and...

...our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms... And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:12,18...

so please, pray, pray, pray, and pray, and then pray, and pray, and keep on praying, and when you're done, pray some more...pray for people you know and people you don't know, pray for people you like and for those you cannot stand! :-), pray for those you lead and those who lead you, pray with your understanding and pray in the Spirit...

we are in a battle, a battle for souls, a battle that'll determine where people spend eternity, O Lord, give us, a sense of urgency like never before, bring us to our knees and keep us there!!!!!!!!!

I am His Beloved!!!

HOW HE LOVES

(by John Mark McMillan)

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane

I am a tree

Bending beneath

The weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a suddenI am unaware of these

Afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize how beautiful you are

And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so

Oh how he loves us

How he loves us so

Yea He loves us

Oh how He loves us

We are his portion

And he is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes

If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss

And my heart burns violently inside of my chest

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

He loves us

His ways, my ways....

So since the last time I wrote on here, the Lord has been speaking to me quite a bit about quite a lot, yeah, quite a lot...

Yesterday, I was taking a Bible Class with the amazing Pastor Ron and he was speaking on...yes, authority!, yeah, I know, I had the same reaction!!! :-) I could write a book on why I have struggles with authority and would probably have some good points in there, but as I sat through the class yesterday, I heard some stuff that well, as my friend, Natalie would say, 'smoked me!' :-)...I will share some stuff...

" Jesus chooses to submit the Father! "
I mean if the Lord, Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords with the name above every other name not only in this wold, but also in the one to come!!! (whom by the way I absolutely love!!! :-)), chooses submission, then, yeah, you know what I'm trying to say...

"the attitudes we have towards authority always show the attitude we have toward God." HMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

"Spiritual maturity is often measured on how we react when asked to do something we don't want to do."

"partial obedience is rebellion."

"Obedience is a sacrifice of our human flesh and will to please God"

So, yeah, the class was pretty great, and those 'clips' give just a 'glimpse'.

random picture to keep the attention of those who, like myself, experience minor ADD! :-PMe and Nondumiso, she's great!!!,and I love my green and purple hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess God is continuing to show me that His ways are higher and better;and I have a lot of unlearning and re-learning to do( I don't think I'm alone in this)...you see, I have reasons (that make sense :-)) for the way I think.... One would think that after reading A Tale of Three Kings (one of the best books ever!!!, seriously) I would have this whole submission thing down, but I don't...I've not had the greatest leaders to submit to( my mum is awesome, though!!!!), they've been either passive and couldn't care less, or fake and completely insincere, and this includes Christian leaders (not everyone of course, I have had some amazing leaders, but they are relatively few...) so anyway, I came up with this system of 'figuring it out on my own'. I am pretty pro-active and not a fan of waiting around for silly 'leaders' to get their act together, but wait, another 'clip' form yesterday's class,

"the issue is not whether or not the authority is perfect; the issue is that the authority is God's choice." ooohhh, yeah, again, my ways vs His ways...

I am not at all a pro at the authority thing. I am more naturally rebellious(it just seems more exciting sometimes, I blame Jack Bauer!! :-)). I have a truck load of reasons why I shouldn't 'trust' authorities, I have been known to say, "If you can't take the time to be my 'friend', you have NO business telling me what to do!!!"...but you see that's me, that's 'my ways', and right now I am on this thing where I am hungry for His ways, and ready to let go of my own...It's so cool how He has wooed me to this point. I know(because He has loved me in a way that i have never been loved before, with a perfect, perfect, did I already say perfect love!!!!) that whatever He says is best, I just know...and of course it'll be really hard and crappy sometimes, and I won't always understand(which is not one of my favorite things!),but you see this King has won my heart and greater than every obstacle I am going to face on this 'journey' is the love that I have for Him!!!!!!....a love that makes obedience more than just a sacrifice...


More purple and green hair... :-)

hmmm

Yesterday's gone
Tomorrow's waiting just ahead
Each one like a bookend
Holding up this moment

Right here is where I am
Where you are
Where we can stay...

As long as we want
As long as we choose
You don't have to say anything
This moment is ours
There's nothing to lose
Don't even think too much

Just inhale...and take it all in...

Why I wake up in the mornings...

and do what I do...

"For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in.

Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom.

What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me." Matthew 18:3-5 (the Message)

Awareness…

The past few days, well actually the past couple of weeks for me have centered around that word. Things have been brought to me attention, leaving me with the question, “What can I do to help/improve/fix this?” Most of these things are not ‘new’ to me, they have just been brought to my attention in a ‘in your face’ kind of way. It’s like the poor and needy we ‘see’ around us all the time. Well, it would be quite different if one of those ‘poor and needy’ people came to your doorstep and just stood there. I think it would make you ask, “What can I do to help?”

I remember reassign the book “In His Steps” in high school. Pretty much the pastor of a ‘well-to-do’ church challenges people in his congregation to ask in every situation , “What would Jesus do?” and when it is revealed to them what Jesus would’ve done in that particular situation to do just that. The rest of the book is filled with stories of great transformation as individuals choose to walk ‘in His steps!’ I loved that book!! It spoke to the part of me that comes alive in the face of a challenge…I guess right now as I am made keenly aware of certain situations all around me, I should ask, “What would Jesus do?”, and as it is revealed to me what the Lord would do in that particular situation, do just that!...

After standing in line for less than 30 min...

I got my license card thing, so I'm now a 'legal driver'!!! Those that were with me on 'the road to getting a drivers license' appreciate as much as I do that this is finally done!!!!!!...

oh, yeah and I cut my hair, really short!!!!...check this page in bout a week for the purple and green do!!!...thanks Shelly! :-)...

He loves me!!!

“To You I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To You I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to
Your thoughts are higher than mine…” Jason Upton

The past couple months the Lord and I have been on this journey of ‘release’. I thought I had released all there was to release, but I was quite mistaken!! He has used various things to bring me to the place where I once again can say,

“To you I give my future, as long as it may last…This is no sacrifice, here’s my life!!” Jason Upton...

...went out to one of the care points where we will be starting a new Mission of Mercy care point. We have two care points for which we have to do profiles through May and June. For those who may not know, this means that for the next two months I will pretty much have no social life whatsoever!! :-) The whole process of getting all this information from 300 children, organizing it, sending it to the US, etc can be quite hectic, and being the driven person that I am I can sometimes get carried away with ‘deadlines’ etc. Anyway, to day we went out to one of the new care points o do some set up stuff before we start doing new profiles. It was pretty chilled out and I got to hang with the kids and just look into their faces without the pressure of having to get all this information and get blah blah blah done!!! It was so refreshing… I needed it…here are some pics:…

Me and Banele, we got to hag out a little:

The kids singing…and the beautiful view behind them:

Loving candles, feeling fires... :-)

Let's just take a moment and talk about the goodness of God, I would like to... He is the perfect Father, Friend, and Lover of our souls.These are not just terms we use, they are truth, the truth about our God, my God.

He is the perfect Father- He gives good gifts(and doesn't take them back), He protects, guides and provides for His children (you and me), He disciplines and rebukes us as needed, He loves us!!!!!

He is the perfect Friend- He cares about EVERYTHING that concerns us. He wants to hear the details of our day, the fun, sad, and silly stories, He wants to laugh with us and cry with us. He wants to share His heart with us. He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY

He is the perfect Lover of our souls- He is absolutely, madly in love with you, with me!!He just wants you.He will not stop pursuing us. He is captivated by us, yes captivated by you!!!!! He wants you, you, you, not what you have to offer, not your gifts and talents, and ideas, He wants to love you like you've never been loved before. He sings over you, over me...He says about you, "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7. Like I said, He is madly in love with you, with me!!!!

When I move to Joburg... :-)

Ok, so Jacci, Natalie, Julia and I went to Joburg for a couple days this past week...let me just start by saying that God and I are doing this thing or rather He is doing this thing right now where He is teaching me His ways and in the process getting rid of my messed up ways that i have thought were just fine...

ok, so Joburg it was so much fun, time out with the girls always is! :-) I didn't do much shopping, but did help Jacci get stuff for her house(and we found the best pillow ever! :-), and while trying on stuff for fun in Truworths :-) I found the cutest dress and jacket ever, seriously, so so cute, I am planning on going to Truworths and picking it up some time soon!!!...we totally met some really cool people most of who were Zambian (what can I say! :-)), there was Carol at the Christian bookstore, Patu, Brian( yeah Brian!! ;-)), and then really amazing Patty at Mug and Bean. She's Zimbabwean, she has a son and also lives with her younger brother. Her mother past away last month. She looked about my age. She was the sweetest girl! She told us how she loves the Lord and how He sustains her and stuff. We got her number and I'm sure we will become good friends...I just loved all the random people we met.- the non Christians and how we were able to share Christ with them; the believers and how they breathed life into us and us into them even if it was only for a couple minutes. It was just really good and refreshing...

I once again am thankful for the continuous work of my loving Heavenly father in mu life. I had a blast in Joburg because I had some awesome friends that He has so graciously provided...I kind of feel blah today(long story....), but I continue to be thankful for His goodness, He is good, He is good, He is good...

Oh, yeah the Joburg police were absolutely amazing, I'm talking 5 minutes and we were done with business. I love efficeincy!! I mean seriously, when I move to Joburg...:-)

random mandatory picture: Wentworth Miller is still hot!! :-)

I like to write when I 'm all emotional like this! :-)...

...but I'm so emotional I might end up being too personal which those of you who know me know I am totally capable of!!! :-) so I'll post some pics of my favorite girl in the whole world, Dudu...

Isn't she just soooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, still so cute!!!:-)
This is one of the reasons why I love this girl; she so reminds me of myself. There's me so excited to be with her and she's totally looking away!! Kind of like me and Jesus sometimes...

Ok, looks like we're improving on the relationship, she will at least now look into the camera, well she's facing forward!! :-)
Here she is with some friends, sitll so cute!!!!!! :-) I love this little girl so so so much!!!

A fun night and an ncriminating picture of Daran :-)

Some of you might now of my secret (well not really secret) desire to be famous one day (I will use my fame for good& adopt a lot of children:-)). Well, I have been teaching this girl, Nqobi, guitar (actually we’ve only had one lesson so far! J…and we started like a month ago!!) Here’s me and Nqobi:

She works for this company that is doing the admin for the Entrepreneur of The Year Awards. Last night was the launch dinner, and Nqobi had asked me if I would like to perform at the dinner and how much I charge to which I thought, “charge???” (about a week ago) So I asked Daran (cause he seemed like businessmanJ) what he thought I should charge. He gave me a number to call (well actually I got the number from Teresa, Daran’s wifeJ) and was also nice enough to correct my mispronunciation of the word, ‘entrepreneur’. J Here’s a pic of Daran:

So anyway, I was eventually asked to write a song for the event which I first performed for my friends Jacci, Natalie, Gabby, Joelle, Danielle, and Nathaniel who were all so encouraging and said they loved it. Some of you now that one of my love languages is word of affirmation so their very encouraging words totally helped pump me up& take away some of my nervousness…”Thanks, friends!!!”

I was still kind of nervous about this whole thing. It was my first ‘real’ public performance (not at church) by myself. The event was by invitation only and I couldn’t have my lovely friends come and make funny faces at me while I performed! J So, I started asking people to pray. At first I just did it cause that’s what you do, but then I started realizing just how much of a difference prayer makes (thank you Frank Perretti for writing, “Piercing The Darkness!! J) I asked some awesome people to pray for me and they did and the performance was a blast. I had do much fun doing it, and got lots of compliments( filling up my love tank J) Thank you amazing friends for your prayers, thank you Jesus for loving me so!!!!!...so even though I love to perform and have performed before I was always get stage fright. My heart starts to beat really fast and I feel like if I don’t BREATHE I’ll faint. I felt this way before my performance last night, but then I started to well first of all, breathe J, but I also just started saying(under my breathe so as not to creep out everyone at my table)’ Peace of Jesus’ over and over again. He gave me peace and like I already said I had so much fun. So, again, thanks for praying friends!!!!

Ok, pics from the night

This is me practicing in the living room a few minutes before I had to leave.

This is me and the best little sister ever who totally helped pack my purse before I had to leave. I love you Tamara!!!

This is me and Khosi, I think was her name, one of the models. I had been sitting by myself playing sudoku( I know I’m a nerd J, and finally decided to stop being a loser so I chatted with the girls who were doing the modeling for the evening.

More modelsJ

I sent the following sms to Becca concerning the beginning of my evening.”…I’ve taken a picture with a strange man, had a strange man compliment my dress, & taken pics with some models” :-)

The room:

The banner:

Me J in my favorite dress ever for two reasons: 1. it’s pretty cute! And 2. I totally bought on sale for R40(less than $10). I love a good bargain!!!!! J

Me and this poet guy who was like, “Hey can you play while I recite my poem?” J

Yay for a fun night!!!!!!!!!!!!!