My most favorite man has started blogging and I am excited!!!!!!! :-)

www.lungilencube.blogspot.com

You have not because you ask not...

So today is one of those days, yes, one of those days!!! I have been holding myself back all morning, trying to be polite(or at least just quiet). I am as frustrated as can be, and want to let it all out in ways that may not necessarily be kind...I am just arrrghhhhh, mad, upset, angry, furious, thinking what the heck!!!!!!!!!! screaming inside my head aaarrrggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

...I love and appreciate greatly the fact that the Lord does not ask me to come before Him all nicely put together, that He not only sees, but ,yes ,feels my frustration...wow, what an awesome God!!!! I am learning about being honest and vulnerable (thanks, Lungile :-)) and how I am so good at 'putting up a show' that so many times I don't even realize I'm doing it...today, I really am too frustrated to 'put up a show'...for anyone, I am thankful that He loves me still...He speaks to me in the midst of my frustration and says, "Ask...Ask me...for the peace your heart so desperately needs, for the love you seem to have run out of, for the comfort, the GRACE to do this...to the glory of my Name, for My glory"...

...and so, Lord I ask you for all of those things and everything else I need to walk through this frustration reflecting You, loving You... and being loved by You...

Choosing not to worry...resting in His love...

...so I was talking to Lungile(the most amazing man in the world :-)) the other day and telling him about how I was nervous about something that I had to do. He responded with some wise words which pretty much boiled down to the Scripture in 1 John that talks about perfect love casting out fear...I have been thinking a lot about that, and it's alarming how 'fearful' I can be, how uneasy I can get when things are not just right, how worry takes over when my physical circumstances are less than perfect...clearly there is a lack of perfect love, not that the Lord is not loving me perfectly, but more that I am not receiving His love...the more I thought about it, the more I analyzed it, the more issues I saw that I have! :-)...so this is not about how I have figured it out and sorted all my issues, I wish it was, but its not! :-) Its about how I am going to get started on this journey( or rather continue) and learn to receive...His love...

You have not because you ask not...He wants us to ask...to ask Him...He loves us, its not just a verse or a song, a cool thing to say or a line from a sermon, it's truth, truth, just as true or even more true than this white wall(with a ton of stuff up cause I like to put a ton of things up on my wall :-)) in front of me...so I will be saying to myself all day today and tomorrow and the next day and forever, He loves me!!!!...

All He Asks For...

...is my heart, ALL OF IT, so I'm giving it to Him, not cleaning it up first, not fixing things I don't even know are broken, not covering it up with pretty things on the outside, JUST GIVING IT TO HIM...

...As we come to You with our fresh battle wounds and no one to heal them BUT YOU..." Becca

It's been exactly 39 days today...

... since i started dating the most amazing man in the world...yes I said the most amazing man in the world!!...I know, I thought Wentworth Miller was as good as it got, but I was mistaken!! :-)...Lungile Ncube came along and well I can't get this smile off of my face!!!:-)...

Ok, I'll be serious now, I really am so so thankful for an absolutely amazing man who loves the Lord passionately and is 'running this race' with me...

...I forgot to mention that he rocks the guitar and is an aspiring poet:-)

Ok, pictures!! :-)

Like I said, he's an incredible musician (and i am not just dating him so I can get free lessons! :-P)
Him playing, me singing, we make a pretty good team! :-)...

...and a cute couple! :-)

Thoughts from the Front desk...

I am sitting in for the receptionist at the front desk, a task that is not on my top 10 favorite things to do! :-)...I've been reading The Shack by William Young and thought I'd share some stuff that I appreciated,

" The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can percieve, which often much isn't much, and then call that God.And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I rally am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think."

" You on the other hand were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."...

I am half way through this book and think it will make it to Zinty's top 5. I am in this place right now where I didn't even realise I was. Actually, I really don't even know where this place is that I am; I just know that something inside of me is stirred, maybe even healed as I read this story that is reaching to depths inside of me that I didnt' know were there...again, thank You, Father...