Stretching...

So, I am going through this, uhh this situation and it's pretty much the Lord asking me to lay my heart out there even if the risks of it being crushed (again) are high...yeah that is what He does for me everyday, every moment, it's love, I know what it is, but yesterday and a few days before that I wanted nothing to do with it. I was like, Lord, no no no, please anything else, but this!!!!! I just did not want to do it, broken hearts are not fun, and I was done so so done, but I obeyed because I love Him (I didn't feel too loving right then! )...and then I cried and cried and go this text from someone who is very special to me!! :-),

It was Hosea 10: 12 and it said, " Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap the fruit of unfailing love,and break up your unploughed ground; for it is time to seek the lord until he comes and showers righteousness onyou."

I knew it was for me; I cried again!! Then I went to Bible Study and shared my situation with my friends there...Kristin shared something encouraging with me. Pretty much she told me God was calling me to do this thing that I felt I could not do to 'increase my capacity'; He knows I can do it even though I feel I can't (and don't want to!!!!). I cried some more (yes, lots of crying for this girl!! :-))...I looked at the Scripture again: sow righteousness. What is righteousness? Doing the right thing, doing it God's way...so pretty much do the right thing and then love will come...I cried again...then I decided I was going to do the right thing even if it took all the strenght I cloud master up and trust Him to bring the love...and He has, He so has, I can't really share all the details, but I can say that once again He has so come through ( He always does!!)...Susan shared something at Bible Study after my 'prayer request'. She talked about 'finishing strong'...hmm yeah, this 'season' of my life has been an awesome time of giving of myself in various ways, and now I am tired...I need to run back to the Source; I need to make a pit stop; I need to refill cause it's not over yet...there is more loving, more giving, more dying, more fighting to do...



the rest of the Scripture from Hosea talked about unploughed ground...there is still more to be done- in and through me...



so we keep going...

Zimbabwe...

I wish I could open up my heart and lay it on here, it is so full, so full right now!!!...The Lord has been speaking to this girl, saying a lot, a lot!!!...

Zimbabwe, wow, wow, wow... I never knew that a place could capture your heart, that you could have a broken heart from leaving a place...even now my heart hurts...but its good, yeah it is, gosh I don´t even know where to start...love, love, and more love is what I received in Zim, a deeper revelation of suffering that brings great maturity, trails that bring true joy...I saw something in the hearts of the many awesome people I got to meet there and I was jealous for it...

I read this from a devotional, " The education of our faith is incomplete if we have yet to learn that God´s providence works through loss, that there is a ministry to us through failure and the fading of things, and that He gives the gift of emptiness. It is, in fact, the material insecurities of life that cause our lifves to be spiritually... we must all learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season, but the Giver is the only eternal love"...the Giver is the only eternal love...that is the message He has been speaking to my heart, even as He has showerd all these amazing gifts on me (yes, so many!!),He is enough, always enough...

...so back to Zimbabwe...pics will follow soon, I promise...but for now, here are my words :-)... my first night there I met an amazing lady, Aunty Kay, the circumstances surrounding our meeting was me puking in the bathroom at youth, and her cleaning up my puke (yes, I said cleaning up my puke!!), and then just sitting with me and loving me as I sat in the bathroom having one of the worst headaches I have ever had...

The next day, we went to a Womens Sports day where I got to hang with some amazing women who the Lord has delivered from some pretty rough stuff...my team one by the way! :-)...that night we hung out with the leadership team and some pasotrs...goodness, just amazing, awesome goodness...then Sunday, church...hmmm yeah, hmmm yeah...we attended two services, the second service was in a town called Saurstown where I got to lead worship with some awesome people (I´m talking crazy, passion for Jesus! and just good fun!:~)), and we hadn´t even practiced!! It was awesome...Monday and Tuesday we went out to the middle of nowhere and visited some care points- it makes no sense to me, but there, in the middle of nothingness, where we could not find any food in every single store we went to, there in the middle of nowhere, my heart was captured once again...I fell in love with a place...

I cried when leaving( did I mention I was travelling with 3 guys- Ben, Patrick, and Mark) and well, yeah the guys tried their best to be nice to the really emotional girl! :-)...but it was more than just emotions, it was a broken heart, my heart was being torn away from this place that it has fallen in love with, and it hurt...

Zimbabwe was a gift to me in many ways. I am so so glad I got to go, I cannot wait to return...

To you I give my life...

...not just the parts I want to

TO YOU I sacrifice....

.... these dreams that I hold on to

To you I give my future...

to you I give my past

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine...

This is no sacrifice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

HERE'S MY LIFE...

I am my Beloveds and He is mine!!!

Sitting in Ps. Ron's class going through the Journey of Israel. Ps. Ron is pretty intense, hardcore, serious business, and the book we're doing now is really thick and really deep...basically there's a lot to take in,a lot of do this and that and don't do this and that, etc, yeah, a lot! The funny thing is I'm still sitting here not overwhelmed by it all, but rather taking note so quickly my hand hurts because my heart is hungry for this. This brings me to a question, 'Why, why is my heart hungry for this?' The answer, 'Because I love Him!' Simple, right there, that's it! I love Him, I love Him( only and only because He first loved me and continues to draw me!) I am hopelessly in love with this King, yes so hopeless I will choose a 270 page book( wit not even one pic) over a night out with friends because it draws me closer to Him and THAT'S ALL I WANT, HIM, HIM HIM!!!

Ps. Ron said something during class, basically he said that the difference between the Old Testament and the New is this:

OT: the law was written on tablets of stone
NT: the law is written on our hearts

HE HAS WON MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Tears part 2

Saturday...

The past couple days 3 different things have 'broken my heart'. Yesterday it was a random picture of someone I barely know and the sound of some songs that both brought me to the point of tears. These two things reminded my heart of a particular place and as I thought of this place it broke my heart, my eyes cried and I had to look away from the picture and walk away from the sound of the songs...I guess the best way I can explain it is, well actually, I have no explanation (for once in my life :-))...

The third thing happened today...this man came up to the gate (at Natalie's where I spent the night). He rang the bell thing and I answered; He asked if he could provide us with 'the service of grass-cutting during this rainy season' I said, 'No thank you, we're fine.' He walked down the driveway; I watched him from the window, then it happened again, my heart broke, so I prayed for him, I prayed a lot for him, then the tears came and came and I prayed for myself. I prayed for grace and provision so I could be a b lessing; I prayed that He would teach me to be content in a ll situations...my heart is till broken for that man, for many like him, for myself...

Today's a holiday here in Swaziland, but I'm at the office getting stuff done, no I'm not a workaholic who has no life! :-), but I am driven and determined to meet our goal of 600 new Child Profiles by the end of Sept...plus it'll make a huge difference in the lives of hundreds of children...

so anyway, I'm here, KB and Nomty are here too, but its pretty quiet, I like it...I've been uploading profiles onto the beloved ftp site! :-), labeling pics, etc...and of course browsing through blogs...I was looking at someone's blog and came across a picture of someone I know, but barely and it brought tears to my eyes, I'm talking serious tears here...I was like what the heck! Why am I crying?? The pic wasn't even sad or anything, and yes I am a girl, and girls cry about everything, but come on, a random pic of someone I barely know!!...well, the pic represented something, a place, and when I saw it these feelings in me were stirred pretty deeply...I don't know, don't even know what I'm trying to say really...I guess I'm wondering what exactly it is He is stirring in me...and why...

a couple random pics :-)...

I thought this was a gorgeous sky!


Just being myself! :-)

Home Visits part 1

We are in the middle of training with our MoM field reps, which is just a fancy name for the amazing people who daily love and care for the children at Mercy Centers. Today we went out to Zombodze Mercy Center in a community which, much like most of the communities we work in, is plagued by poverty. Our purpose was to do home-visits, another fancy name for the time MoM field reps spend getting to know the children we work with as more than just a number or a face. For our first home visit, we went to the home of woman named Xolile. I think it was the combination of the humble home into which we were welcomed as well as the sight of Xolile sitting on a mat on the floor with the children she cares for that caused each one of us to pause, take it all in, and remember once again what a privilege it is to serve communities, gogos(grandmothers), and children!

Xolile has no children of her own, but cares for the children and grandchildren of her deceased brothers and sisters. One of the girls she cares for, Nokwanda, is sick and requires much care in terms of time as well as finances. Xolile told us how she could not believe it when she was told that Nokwanda’s medical needs would be taken care of completely by the people at the Mercy Center, and not just financially. The teachers and MoM field rep at the Mercy Center all work together to make sure Nokwanda takes her medicine at the right time with the right amount of food. If it wasn’t for the help she is receiving, Xolile doesn’t think Nokwanda would still be alive. She could not stop talking about how she can now ‘rest’ because she knows her children will receive a meal, and more!

She had the children smile so we could see how white their teeth were as she said, “Before the Mercy Center was here, we never brushed our teeth, and now look at our beautiful smiles!” Zethu, another of the children Xolile looks after could not stop smiling as I took pictures of her. Her parents are both alive, but unemployed and unable to provide for Zethu’s basic needs. Xolile took Zethu in when she was just a baby, and has cared for her as her own child since. We prayed with Xolile and the children before we left, once again thankful for the privilege of serving, of being His hands and feet, of being a part of something that is a matter of life and death, something that will last through eternity!