...

So I have had one of the hardest emotional days that I have ever had or at least remember having in while!!! Normal people would go run or something, but I can't really run :-) so I went to play the keys and wrote this:

A broken heart
A broken heart
A broken and contrite heart
A tearful song
A heart that longs
Through pain You lead me on

You cover me
You cover me
Sing sweetly
Sing sweetly

Rejoice oh my soul
Rejoice oh my soul
He has made me glad
He has made me glad

Faith chooses...

My day has started out on a weird note...I am tempted to 'go with the flow' and become all negative and depressed, but I choose joy, I choose joy...

Zimbabwe, my heart, etc...

The guys- Ps. Ben, Paul, and Tye- just got back from Zim. I was so happy to see them all and of course so hungry(yes, ravished! :-)) for stories from the Zimbabwe. I wanted so badly to hear about this place that will not let go of my heart, these people that I cannot wait to spend eternity with!!!! Some of the stories were funny, all I'm saying is Tye, lizzards? Paul, butterfiles?? :-) Then, they started to metnion names, like Philip, Lesley, Rudo...and places, like How Mine, Saurestown...and my poor little heart almost broke!!!

I have never felt a about any place the way I do about Zimbabwe. I have never loved anyone they way I love Lungile... I can't wait to go to Zim. I can't wait to serve God alongside Lungile...I'm reading 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan and everyhting in that book speaks so loudly to me. It's challenging at times, but so true and my heart has no choice, but to embrace it!!! God has given me His crazy(unconditional, unfailing, perfect) love for a country and for a man, and I am not the same, I will never be the same, I am officially, eternally ruined!!! And it's so awesome!!!!!

Me and some kids at How Mine!!! Love them!!!

Quotes From 'Crazy Love'

" People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress."

" Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back."

" The idea of holding back certainly did not come from Scripture. The Bible teaches us to be consumed with Christ and to faithfully live out His words."

" There has to be more to our faith than friendliness, politeness, and even kindness."

" Godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Tim 6:6

" People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another."

" Why is it that the story of someone who has actually done what Jesus commands resonates deeply within us, but we then assume we could never do anything so radical/intense? or why do we call it radical when, to Jesus, it is simply the way it is? The way it should be?"

"A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth. As Martin Luther put it, 'There are two days on my calendar:this day and that day.'

Matthew 6:33

When Jesus said to seek first He kingdom and His righteousness, He wasn't asking or telling us to ignore those things that make up our day to day lives- the rent, the bills, food, clothes, etc. He was just telling us to make sure we don't have it backwards. In the verses before that He tells us not to worry. He doesn't say, "Don't need", "Don't plan", or "Don't want". He says, "Don't worry".Why? Because" your heavenly Father knows that you need them" God made us, and He made us to live on earth, this earth, at this time. He is fully aware of and intricately involved in the details of how things run here. He knows what we need to love here...He also knows and reminds us often that this earth is temporal, there bodies are vessels, tents, containers, a means to an end, and that 'end' is eternity with Him. But he is fully aware of the fact tat for there to be an end there must be a means, and He is the sovereign, loving Father who has it all under control.The ends, the means, the containers, its all in His very detailed, awesome plan- a plan that is motivated by the passionate, relentless love that draws Him to us!!!

Weakness...

"The same power that conquered the grave lives in me..." Hillsong United

Ephesians 3:20 says something similar, " ...according to His power at work in us..."

I am filled with such excitement as I look to the future. So many possibilities, so much opportunity to make an eternal difference in so many lives.The life I always desired( even when I didn't realize it) is before me, waiting for me to 'jump in'. All of this, however, also brings me closer to the place of dependence...on Him. It's not a place of weakness. It is a place where my weaknesses are seen for whast they are- weaknesses! At the same time, the very same time, I can ay wiht the Apostle Paul in 2 Cor 12:10, " Therefore, I will boast all te more gladly about my weakness, so that Christs' powe may rest on me." I will not be shy/embarrassed about teh fact that on my own I am scared, I am emotionally incapable of 'handling it', I don't ahve enough money, I don't ahve enough talent, I lack in so many ways...so I offer all thse things to Him as an opportunity for Him to 'show up and show off' on my behalf! Once again, I am His needing and needy child and His is my Perfect Father.The one who...
"is able to do immeasurably more than allwe cn ask or imagine according to His power that is AT WORK WITHIN US, to Him be glory..."

From "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan...

" This place of trust isn't a comfortable place to be; in fact it flies in the face of everything we've been taught about proper planning.We like finding refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide. But when Christ says to count the cost of following Him, it means we must surrender everything. It means being willing to go without an extra tunic or a place to sleep at night, and sometimes without knowing where we are going..."

" He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through"

" But love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just a s your Father is merciful."Luke 6:34-36

"When it's hard and you are doubtful GIVE MORE."

Luke 14:12-14