It's definitely been way to long!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't even realize it's been this long. It's been hectic for sure...between Mission of Mercy and Church stuff, I have barely had enough time to sleep!!!! :-) It's been awesome, though, in so many ways!!!...
I have learned a lot from this busy season...I have learned that I love Lungile Ncube with all my heart. He's not perfect and neither am I, but I would choose no one else to spend the rest of my life with and I am so ready to be his wife. Not just because we get to have a wedding and do fun stuff, but because he has become my best friend and being without him is just not an option. He has me...all of me, and I love it!!!...
....I have learned that Jesus Christ is absolutley crazy about me, and I have got to get that around my head. Ephesians 3- I want to grasp the fullnes of His love. I keep gettting glimpses, little showers, I want it all!!!! I never want to be too busy for Him. He really is all that matters, everything else, even the most amazing man, Lu, is just a bonus...Jesus, take me once again! I am Yours!!!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
4 months...17 weeks... 135 days...
I remember a long time ago, well more like 10 or so years back J. I remember hearing about these people who did great things for God. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, I want God to use me like that!” I said that without realizing what is required of those whom God will use mightily-faith! I said that without realizing, truly, what faith is- something we cannot create, a gift that the Father gives to His children/
I remember about a year and a half ago telling Natalie that God was calling me to a life of total dependence in Him- for every single thing. I remember saying, “I ‘m ok with that…”
I remember exactly 1 year ago picking up dog poop while house-sitting for Mark and Kay, tears streaming down my face as my heart prayed, “ Lord, I trust that you either have someone 100 times better or the same guy 100 times better( He has given me the same guy a million time better!! J)
I remember sitting in the floor at my parents’ house after getting off the phone my emotions jerking back and forth between sadness and anger as I prayed, “ Lord, you know when we’re suppose to get married and will work out all the details…DETAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember just a few hours ago as I was driving home listening to the song, “Beautiful Jesus” The lines, “Brilliant Creator, Friend of Mine” struck me. A ll of a sudden, the moon was right there, so close, so beautiful, and it spoke to me, revealed so clearly the revelation of my Father, the Brilliant Creator, the Friend of Mine…the one who has provided so beautifully and so perfectly for Lue and I as we plan to get married in 135 days( 133 day today! J). I cannot begin to tell of all the ‘little’ details He has so beautifully worked out!!!! I got a call from the lovely Shelly Brenan tonight (Thursday night). She happened to remember that I have always talked about wanting to wear a sari to my wedding reception and called to ask if I wanted her to buy me one cause she was going on a missions trip to India !!!! I called Lue and asked him about my dream of wearing a sari to our wedding reception and he said yes in the most beautiful way with the most beautiful words!!!! That is just one example of the many details He is placing so beautifully in place as He weaves it all together!!!
God places dreams in our hearts then HE BRINGS THEM TO PASS. We think of the life of faith as something unusual or ‘special’, but really, if we were to look around us, really look and see the glory of God, we would realize that trusting Him for everything is the most sensible most normal, most natural things to do!!!!
In 135 (133 todayJ) days, I get to begin an amazing new chapter of my life! Jesus, keep you glory always before me…BRILLIANT CREATOR, FRIEND OF MINE!!!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Lists...countdowns...here...
" Real generosity toward the future consists in giving all to what is present." Albert Camus
Got that from a white sugar thing while Sarah and I were at Cafe Lingo! :-)
It sounds so lovely and noble and right...actually living it out is another story!...I was at the HPC young adult meeting tonight. It was fun, refreshing. We played games, ate, laughed, etc, good fellowship...at the end Roger started to talk about the goals of the young adults ministry. For a moment, I was excited and started thinking of how awesome it will be to build relationships with evryone...and then it hit me...I'm leaving...I don't want to build relationships with people I'm planning on leaving...who does that??
...as I am typing this, it just hit me that that is exactly what Jesus did. He invested Himself in 12 guys for three years knowing very well how and when it would all 'end'. He knew Judas would betray Him, Peter would deny Him, He would die, rise again(PTL!!!!:-)) and then go back to heaven...but He still was ablet to be fully involved, fully present, and pour Himself wholeheartedly into these relationships!!!...
...I understand that in my head, and even accept it in my heart...I think now its a matter of what that looks like on a day to day basis...at church...when having converstaions...when hanging out...etc...He did it, so I guess asking Him to show me how would be a good idea...so that's what I'll do...ask Him to show me how to do this, the way He did it...
Got that from a white sugar thing while Sarah and I were at Cafe Lingo! :-)
It sounds so lovely and noble and right...actually living it out is another story!...I was at the HPC young adult meeting tonight. It was fun, refreshing. We played games, ate, laughed, etc, good fellowship...at the end Roger started to talk about the goals of the young adults ministry. For a moment, I was excited and started thinking of how awesome it will be to build relationships with evryone...and then it hit me...I'm leaving...I don't want to build relationships with people I'm planning on leaving...who does that??
...as I am typing this, it just hit me that that is exactly what Jesus did. He invested Himself in 12 guys for three years knowing very well how and when it would all 'end'. He knew Judas would betray Him, Peter would deny Him, He would die, rise again(PTL!!!!:-)) and then go back to heaven...but He still was ablet to be fully involved, fully present, and pour Himself wholeheartedly into these relationships!!!...
...I understand that in my head, and even accept it in my heart...I think now its a matter of what that looks like on a day to day basis...at church...when having converstaions...when hanging out...etc...He did it, so I guess asking Him to show me how would be a good idea...so that's what I'll do...ask Him to show me how to do this, the way He did it...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Being sick...nose ring drama??
Between being sick and being busy and then being sick again :-) I haven't had much time to sit, process, and blog. Today, I am finally at the point where I feel that my energy levels are not such that I have to work in small increments in order to conserve energy!!! I am myslef again and can work as if I am one of those battery things on the adverts that have 6 times as much power as the other batteries, and I have to say that I am glad, I am happy, I love being well, and I love being able to do stuff!!!
Which brings me to one of my points...being sick the past week was pretty miserable and I kept asking the question I always ask when I'm sick, "What purpose is there in this?" This time I think it was to show me just what an awesome blessing it is to be well, to be healthy, to do all the things I can do( never mind the extras of money and stuff and all the other things we call blessings), just being well, being healthy and strong is such a blessing, and well, today, at 80% energy level, I have been made more fully aware of the blessing that it is, so yay!!!! :-)
In other news, remember the nose ring drama?? Some of you might!:-) Well, my nose ring mysteriously disappeared while I was in Zim last Christmas( the morning after I had asked Lu what he thought of it!!! :-))...and on Saturday, after many days of missing that little addition to my face, I decided to get another one. I went in the shop all by myself, trying not to think about the pain, wishing there was someone to give me moral support, when all of a sudden , my friend Tam and her sister walked up to me, and I was like, 'hey you guys want to be my moral support' They said yes and well the rest is history...we are hoping for a less dramatic experience as I heal :-)
Another really cool thing from being sick this past week was all the love and support. As much as I wear the sign 'Miss Independent' on my head, I really love it when I feel loved and taken care of and don't have to 'run and save the world!! :-)' and I am so thankful for all the love I received while sick...Sarah baked me choc chip cookies- I ate 4 that night and 4 the next morning!!!:-), Portia called me and texted me and kept 'checking on me'!, Becca was actaully sick with me one day :-), Make Nxumalo interceeded( yes, I'm talking serious no joking around prayer!!!:-)) for me, Roger played guitar for me on Friday so I could go home, Diane prayed for me,Paul took me home when my energy level was a bitt too close to zero, Ben said I should go home ( as much as I know I can and should go home when I'm sick, it means a lot when your boss actaully tells you to go home, at least for me :-)), the youth praise and worship team were sweet and kind:-), My mum was motherly and stuff :-), so many more things I can't rememmber...and of course, Lu again claimed first prize as the world's most amazing boyfriend while I was sick!!!!!
Yesterday, I woke up, still physically sick, but my heart was so stirred up, encouraged, and renewed...I sang and played at 200% energy level even though I felt I only had 50%, and it was awesome, He was awesome!!! He has so much He wants to do...Ps Isaac preached about giving what you have from the stroy of the lame man, Peter and John, etc. I was again reminded that I am on a mission, His mission- to go and make disciples- and even when I am sick He is with me to the end of the age, He will see to it that this mission is accomplished!!!! I can't wait to see what all He does...
Which brings me to one of my points...being sick the past week was pretty miserable and I kept asking the question I always ask when I'm sick, "What purpose is there in this?" This time I think it was to show me just what an awesome blessing it is to be well, to be healthy, to do all the things I can do( never mind the extras of money and stuff and all the other things we call blessings), just being well, being healthy and strong is such a blessing, and well, today, at 80% energy level, I have been made more fully aware of the blessing that it is, so yay!!!! :-)
In other news, remember the nose ring drama?? Some of you might!:-) Well, my nose ring mysteriously disappeared while I was in Zim last Christmas( the morning after I had asked Lu what he thought of it!!! :-))...and on Saturday, after many days of missing that little addition to my face, I decided to get another one. I went in the shop all by myself, trying not to think about the pain, wishing there was someone to give me moral support, when all of a sudden , my friend Tam and her sister walked up to me, and I was like, 'hey you guys want to be my moral support' They said yes and well the rest is history...we are hoping for a less dramatic experience as I heal :-)
Another really cool thing from being sick this past week was all the love and support. As much as I wear the sign 'Miss Independent' on my head, I really love it when I feel loved and taken care of and don't have to 'run and save the world!! :-)' and I am so thankful for all the love I received while sick...Sarah baked me choc chip cookies- I ate 4 that night and 4 the next morning!!!:-), Portia called me and texted me and kept 'checking on me'!, Becca was actaully sick with me one day :-), Make Nxumalo interceeded( yes, I'm talking serious no joking around prayer!!!:-)) for me, Roger played guitar for me on Friday so I could go home, Diane prayed for me,Paul took me home when my energy level was a bitt too close to zero, Ben said I should go home ( as much as I know I can and should go home when I'm sick, it means a lot when your boss actaully tells you to go home, at least for me :-)), the youth praise and worship team were sweet and kind:-), My mum was motherly and stuff :-), so many more things I can't rememmber...and of course, Lu again claimed first prize as the world's most amazing boyfriend while I was sick!!!!!
Yesterday, I woke up, still physically sick, but my heart was so stirred up, encouraged, and renewed...I sang and played at 200% energy level even though I felt I only had 50%, and it was awesome, He was awesome!!! He has so much He wants to do...Ps Isaac preached about giving what you have from the stroy of the lame man, Peter and John, etc. I was again reminded that I am on a mission, His mission- to go and make disciples- and even when I am sick He is with me to the end of the age, He will see to it that this mission is accomplished!!!! I can't wait to see what all He does...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
...
So I have had one of the hardest emotional days that I have ever had or at least remember having in while!!! Normal people would go run or something, but I can't really run :-) so I went to play the keys and wrote this:
A broken heart
A broken heart
A broken and contrite heart
A tearful song
A heart that longs
Through pain You lead me on
You cover me
You cover me
Sing sweetly
Sing sweetly
Rejoice oh my soul
Rejoice oh my soul
He has made me glad
He has made me glad
A broken heart
A broken heart
A broken and contrite heart
A tearful song
A heart that longs
Through pain You lead me on
You cover me
You cover me
Sing sweetly
Sing sweetly
Rejoice oh my soul
Rejoice oh my soul
He has made me glad
He has made me glad
Faith chooses...
My day has started out on a weird note...I am tempted to 'go with the flow' and become all negative and depressed, but I choose joy, I choose joy...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Zimbabwe, my heart, etc...
The guys- Ps. Ben, Paul, and Tye- just got back from Zim. I was so happy to see them all and of course so hungry(yes, ravished! :-)) for stories from the Zimbabwe. I wanted so badly to hear about this place that will not let go of my heart, these people that I cannot wait to spend eternity with!!!! Some of the stories were funny, all I'm saying is Tye, lizzards? Paul, butterfiles?? :-) Then, they started to metnion names, like Philip, Lesley, Rudo...and places, like How Mine, Saurestown...and my poor little heart almost broke!!!
I have never felt a about any place the way I do about Zimbabwe. I have never loved anyone they way I love Lungile... I can't wait to go to Zim. I can't wait to serve God alongside Lungile...I'm reading 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan and everyhting in that book speaks so loudly to me. It's challenging at times, but so true and my heart has no choice, but to embrace it!!! God has given me His crazy(unconditional, unfailing, perfect) love for a country and for a man, and I am not the same, I will never be the same, I am officially, eternally ruined!!! And it's so awesome!!!!!
Me and some kids at How Mine!!! Love them!!!
I have never felt a about any place the way I do about Zimbabwe. I have never loved anyone they way I love Lungile... I can't wait to go to Zim. I can't wait to serve God alongside Lungile...I'm reading 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan and everyhting in that book speaks so loudly to me. It's challenging at times, but so true and my heart has no choice, but to embrace it!!! God has given me His crazy(unconditional, unfailing, perfect) love for a country and for a man, and I am not the same, I will never be the same, I am officially, eternally ruined!!! And it's so awesome!!!!!
Me and some kids at How Mine!!! Love them!!!
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