42 days and counting

Thought I’d share few lessons that I am learning from the journey that is life and more specifically through this period of transition. I have 43 more days of living life as it is right now. I have 43 more days of being single, working at Children’s Cup in Swaziland, leading worship at HPC, etc…

It’s interesting what things you learn as your mind begins the process of detaching from where you are. I am learning so much about the Lord, my amazing Lue, family, friends, the people I work with, and, of course, myself! One of the first things I learned is that I can’t give 100% of myself to everyone and everything; I’m learning what/who it is that I need to give myself to 100%, doing that and not fretting about the rest… I work full time during the week from 8 to 5 pm. I also am the worship leader at church and responsible for the 3 worship services we have each work. I have family, friends, the world’s most amazing man in my life, and, most importantly, the Lord Jesus! I only have 24 hours in each day, one mouth, two ears, two hands, two legs, etc. Before this year, my usual way of doing things was to pour all of myself into every possible thing, stretch myself to the point of snapping, snap, get sick, have an emotional breakdown, recover, get up and do the same thing. I don’t think I am alone in this crazy process! J This year, though, God has graciously walked with me so that we are now together on the journey to learning how to rest and truly live life to the fullest. I thought I loved being busy and getting 10 things accomplished at one time. I thought I liked having no space to breathe as I frantically moved from one thing to the next in my day. I thought I like running around like a chicken with my head cut off!!! I really thought I did…until I realised there are things that are so much better…

Things like waking up in the morning and laying in bed for an hour before waking up to have my quiet time, just chilling and enjoying the beautiful morning He designed just for me…things like doing one thing and doing it well and when I’m done be able to lay down, not in utter exhaustion and almost having forgotten why it was I worked so hard, but rather laying down fully satisfied and fully aware of what I did, why I did it, and why He’s smiling with me about it…Things like saying no to people or events or tasks, realising I am not God’s solution to every problem, I am not responsible for every task, I can say no, I’m allowed to say no, not out of being stupid or unhelpful, but out of the freedom of knowing what is my responsibility and what is not…Things like watching the stars or taking a walk just for the sake of it…Things like having moments even days where there is not one thing I HAVE to do… Things like learning how to bake bread (still in the process!J)… Things like actually writing that note or email or making that phone call or going on that coffee date…Things like looking at the clouds as you drive/walk down the road, fully aware that the beautiful colours are JUST FOR YOU….Things like laughing until it hurts, yes, laughing… Things like listening to the man of your real life share his heart and realising more and more how awesome and good God is…. Things like late nights with the siblings just because you can!!! J… Things like spending a day with a friend and truly enjoying their presence… Things like realising how much I am loved and how much love I have to give…

The only constant...

...is Christ! On a day like today, when neither makes sense nor feels right to 'continue', the only thing that 'makes sense' is Him, He truly is my sanity today, right now, and I am thankful. I could write lines and lines about the suckiness, I already have :-), so not I am writing lines and lines about Him, His goodness, His faithfulness, His promises. He is good, He is here, He is just and merciful and kind and gracious...and so as this day sucks right now and might continue to suck, I choose to be 'an imitator of God as a dearly beloved child'...I am loved, I am a child, I will choose to be like my AWESOME DAD...

57 days...

“My love for you is teaching me not to seek ideal circumstances so that I can love you, but TO LOVE YOU IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES! “

I was reading through the notes Lue has written me(one of my favourite things is that he writes me notes, emails, letters…LONG ONES!! J) and I read what I just quoted above. I love writing stuff down because you can always go back to it, and EACH TIME you do, you see SOEMTHING NEW! It’s not because I wasn’t there the first time, you just didn’t see it. I love reading Lue’s notes and emails love and over and over again and seeing new things- things he said that I just may not have heard before. And as I read the lone above, my heart danced, a dance of joy and freedom. Joy, because I know that I am loved and freedom because I know that I am ALWAYS loved!!!

My first love is Jesus- have always been and will always be Jesus! The thing’s that are most important to me always bring me back to His feet. My relationship with Lue, the most important things in my life right now, is a constanct ‘example’ and ‘teacher’ concerning my relationship with Jesus. For one, the concept of re-reading notes and emails- there was a time when I was like ‘I did Old Testament and New Testament survey. I’ve done so many Bible Studies, I’ve read it all, I’m done!’ Of course, I was highly mistaken, and , years later, I open a Scripture I have read over and over and find something new, something that was there before I just didn’t see it…and once again, I fall in love with my first love…and then there’s unconditional love- again, I grew up receiving and giving conditional love. The past 10 months, I have experienced the challenge of giving and receiving unconditional love. I have learned (and am still learning) the selflessness required to give it and the trust needed to receive it…

Happiness…I love Jesus…I love Lue!!! J

In 63 days...

I get to marry this man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
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