The Surrendered Heart

It’s no longer up to me
Relief , great relief
But not without a struggle
I was taught to be in control
God helps those who help themselves
I heard over and over
I knew nothing about surrender
To trust another was setting
Oneself up for failure
To let go
Was death
So when I heard Him say,
Be still and know
That I am God
I was afraid, confused
Did He not know?
How could He ask me such a thing?
He was so kind, so gentle
I couldn’t tell Him no
But I didn’t know how to be still
I didn’t know how to trust
So I pretended
I had been taught that it is better to lie
Than to disappoint
He was not fooled He knew
He was hurt
I didn’t understand
I didn’t know how to be still
I didn’t know how to trust
I didn’t know how to love
So He taught me
It was not like other lessons I’ve been taught
He didn’t force me to learn
He didn’t tell me what to do, how to be
He didn’t just want me to learn His ways
He wanted me to love His ways
He wanted me to love Him
He wanted me
We laughed together often
It seems, though, that we cried
Together even more
Each time I cried, each time I hurt
It seemed that He hurt just as much
If not more
Sometimes we fought, well, I fought
I didn’t understand
I was afraid
So I would put up a wall
And end up running into it myself,
Face first
Sometimes He would just be still
He would let me do as I pleased
Even if I was hurting myself
He never forced me to do anything
He didn’t want a servant
He wanted a friend
We still cry, laugh, and even fight
He still loves me
Only now I love Him too
I understand
I am not afraid
I can be still
Because I know that He is God
This Friend, this Lover of my soul,
He is God