I pray for God to keep me broken, to keep me humble, sensitive to His voice, sensitive to the world I live in. He has done just that. He will not let me get comfortable, and even though at times I complain (sometimes about the stupidest things), today I am thankful for the way he keeps me broken.
This whole past week has been a string of reminders, little things here and there that keep me in perspective. I met a lady that is HIV positive, looking after her HIV positive granddaughter. She’s s few year’s older than me, but married to a much older man who had children from a previous marriage (something to do with the culture) and taking care of the whole household. She poured out her heart to Kristen and me. A couple days back, I went on a community walk and saw several homes were children under the age of 10 were all alone all day, pretty much raising themselves because there parents have to go to work, and can’t afford day –care or a nanny. They can barely afford to feed and cloth their kids. I was walking with Lindiwe, a lady who gives herself 200% to the kids in this community and is always smiling.
I am black, African, Zambian. I have been raised here. These things are not new to me, but I think I got used to them. I got used to pain and suffering and things we are never supposed to get used to. I guess I became calloused. I don’t think it was on purpose. Maybe I was trying to keep myself from hurting too much. I don’t know. I just got used to things I’m not supposed to get used to.
Two days ago, I saw pictures of a six year-old boy. It wasn’t an,’Oh he’s so cute’ picture. It was a real picture. He was as thin as you can get. He had bed sores; huge sores so deep you could see his bone!!! He has been lying in the hospital for over 4 months!! He is 6 years old!!!! I flinched when I saw the pictures. Tears filled my eyes. I wanted to just go home and cry. I did. Is this the only child suffering this way in Swaziland or even Africa? No. I am sure there are millions. We’ve seen the pictures, watched the movies; heard the stories. I see them here; all around me. Will my heart break each time I see one? Will I cry for every child that suffers? If I have to, yes, I will. Will that change the world, Africa, Swaziland? Maybe not. Maybe it’ll just change me, and maybe as He changes me, He’ll change a few children along the way. Maybe that’s all He’s asking of me.
This whole past week has been a string of reminders, little things here and there that keep me in perspective. I met a lady that is HIV positive, looking after her HIV positive granddaughter. She’s s few year’s older than me, but married to a much older man who had children from a previous marriage (something to do with the culture) and taking care of the whole household. She poured out her heart to Kristen and me. A couple days back, I went on a community walk and saw several homes were children under the age of 10 were all alone all day, pretty much raising themselves because there parents have to go to work, and can’t afford day –care or a nanny. They can barely afford to feed and cloth their kids. I was walking with Lindiwe, a lady who gives herself 200% to the kids in this community and is always smiling.
I am black, African, Zambian. I have been raised here. These things are not new to me, but I think I got used to them. I got used to pain and suffering and things we are never supposed to get used to. I guess I became calloused. I don’t think it was on purpose. Maybe I was trying to keep myself from hurting too much. I don’t know. I just got used to things I’m not supposed to get used to.
Two days ago, I saw pictures of a six year-old boy. It wasn’t an,’Oh he’s so cute’ picture. It was a real picture. He was as thin as you can get. He had bed sores; huge sores so deep you could see his bone!!! He has been lying in the hospital for over 4 months!! He is 6 years old!!!! I flinched when I saw the pictures. Tears filled my eyes. I wanted to just go home and cry. I did. Is this the only child suffering this way in Swaziland or even Africa? No. I am sure there are millions. We’ve seen the pictures, watched the movies; heard the stories. I see them here; all around me. Will my heart break each time I see one? Will I cry for every child that suffers? If I have to, yes, I will. Will that change the world, Africa, Swaziland? Maybe not. Maybe it’ll just change me, and maybe as He changes me, He’ll change a few children along the way. Maybe that’s all He’s asking of me.
2 comments:
i love you and i love the way you challenge me!! your friendship means the world to me! ~kristen
Oh my God- girl I love you! You are so precious. I love it, I love it all. God has you right where He wants you and praise Him you are willing to stay there and not run.
He is going to change you and yes in turn you are going to change the world around you and it gong to be the best thing you have ever done.
His plans for you are only good, plans to give you a hope and a future and my friend you will in turn be able to give that same hope to one of those little ones, maybe hundreds of them.... only He knows.
Don't stop, don't look back- press foward and stay humble. He will do the rest.
You rock showstopper!
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