30 days...

I’ve been on this fast (from the internet) for 4 days now. Feels like 4 months! JI wrote some stuff already, but can’t find where I saved it!! Well, maybe it’ll show up.

Found it!! :


Day 2
Had a great prayer time over Swaziland with Becca. God helped change some of my current perspectives

Day 3
Had my first SiSwati lesson (teaching) with this couple form Belgium. It was pretty cool. My dad sat in (he had to drive me and then decided to just wait). He said I’m a great teacher. That meant a lot to me!!! Oh, yeah, I drove. It was good. I think I’m ready for my license. Really, I need to get it soon…

Day 4
Today. Bible Study was good. Beth Moore is awesome! Had a rather rough afternoon…people complications, hate it! Haven’ t checked facebook/ myspace and the rest. Haven’ t replied to emails. Thank You, Lord, for what You are teaching me- to find my satisfaction in You, to receive my applause from You, to be complete in You!!

Day 6
We said good bye to Charles today.:-( The sad face in not at all an adequate description of my emotions!! I only have a month with Kristen…
Old dreams being revived…it’s weird and cool how God works in our pain…

Day 9
I am so agitated/ irritable right now. I need to read my Bible. J No, seriously, I need to look to Him for comfort and direction…“Troubles are the earthly gymnasium that exercises our heavenly faith. In the crucible of adversity, God is looking for faith in His goodness, sovereignty, plan, love, and grace. “
Charles Stanley

“An implicit faith is not blind faith. It is faith with vision, a vision enlightened by knowledge of the character of God. God deserves to be trusted. He merits our trust in Him. “
R.C. Sproul

Day 12

Today’s a hard day…I just want t cry. I can find so much to cry about. I just feel on the verge of tears and don’t want to keep them in. There is so much good, so much to be thankful for, I know!! I just feel this sorrow and heaviness and all I want to do is weep…maybe its’ just pms. J I’m reading through the Gospels, started with Matthew. It’s amazing to watch the sovereignty of God as I read through the genealogy of Christ- 42 generations, all kinds of crazy stories, characters that were less than perfect, and He worked it all out!!. I am comforted by His awesome sovereignty. I remember a time when I almost resented Him for it, and now it is one of the most beautiful things to me, such a comfort to me!! He tells us to rejoice through trials, to be thankful in all situations, yes, even sucky days like today. The other day I was reading about how implicit faith is, “faith with a vision…enlightened by knowledge of the character of God.” Even though I am only 25 , I myself experienced or seen other people experience a lot of really terrible situations, and in all of that I have learned to trust the goodness of God. I don’t trust Him because I have to. I don’t choose joy just because I am commanded to. I really believe that He is good and I can rejoice in Him…always!! Watching Him work in the midst of trials in my or other people’s lives has given me great confidence in the great goodness and unfailing love. I can honestly say, “I trust Him”.




Day 13

I feel weird. I feel like I could say anything to anyone, like I might just blurt out whatever I’m feeling/thinking at that moment whether or not it’s appropriate…hmm…

”what can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. O, precious, is the flow that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know- nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

Day 17 (Tuesday 2/10)

The other day Kristen, Mary and I were watching Dream Girls. After it was done, we all just sat on the couch and wept- had nothing to do with the movie, of course. I know God is doing some amazing things through all of this. There are days when I am ready to embrace change, and there are days when all I can do is not cuss!! J …reading more of Matthew. It’s cool to see how Jesus was not born into royalty or anything, and yet, even when He was just a baby, Wise Men brought Him gifts and shepherds came to worship Him. It’s just an encouraging reminder that God’s plan for our lives is in spite of our circumstances/environment/upbringing, etc.

Day 23

Had an amazing time with some amazing women and my good friend, Beth Moore. J …some amazing lessons on love, some fun times with friends, some re-fanning of old passions…
Dudu laughed today!! I was making funny faces and she laughed (out loud!!) It was great!!

Day 24 (9 October)

…yes I cried out to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry reached His ears,…He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters…God’s way is perfect…He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain height. He trains me for battle; He strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me Your shield of victory; Your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep me from slipping… For this, O Lord, I will praise You among the nations; I will sing praises to Your name!!!... Thank you, awesome Crystal Mazucca for this ‘devotional’…you are missed!!!

I’m beginning to hear
The angels cry holy
A love song, O God, rising in me
And I’m surrounded by You
Here in your glory
A love song, O God, rising in me

I wanna be romanced
By the King of the Ages
I don’t wanna sing of a passion I’ve never known
I wanna get lost in the beauty of Jesus
To dance through the night
Around Your throne

So dance with me





Day 27 (12 October)- Didn’t think I’d make it this farJ

I keep getting these reminders of how fragile life on earth is, how everything we do must ultimately be about eternity…

He loves me, He loves me, He loves me!!!! His love is unconditional, unfailing, unchanging. His love is perfect and it’s for me, today, right now, everyday!!!...

I live Dudu (the little girl at one of our Care Points). I just want so badly for her to know God’s love for her. I want her to live the life God planned for her. Every time I ‘m at the Care Point, I just want to hold her and pray and sing over her. Every time, I’m in a store I want to buy something for her. I just really really live her. Someone talked about how God gives us a glimpse of His love and allows us to have something to ‘compare’ His love to. The love He has given me for Dudu reminds me of how much He loves me, how He’s crazy about me- thinking of me every moment, delighting in me!! Thank You, Lord!!!...

The crazy week begins- extreme busyness mixed with a very painful goodbye. Jesus, hold me close, and please let me feel you, please let me feel you!!!!

Day 30 (15 October 2007)

So I guess this is the last day of my fast…the other night I was watching the documentary “Invisible Children”. I wept through the whole thing. My heart was so broken for these kids and all I wanted to do was reach through the screen, hold them and tell them how much Jesus loves them. This little boy was asked about his older brother that had been killed. He just started to weep. It broke my heart!!! O, God keep my heart broken, keep breaking my heart. O God, may I never ever become immune to pain and hurt, and may I never become too comfortable to do something about it- use me, break me; waste me on You, Lord!!!...Lord, I am weak, so weak. I fail You, others, and myself. I break promises. I just am no perfect…far from it, but Lord, I want You, and I want to be available for You.
Take my life and let it beConsecrated, Lord, to Thee.Take my moments and my days,Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them moveAt the impulse of Thy love.Take my feet and let them beSwift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me singAlways, only, for my King.Take my lips and let them beFilled with messages for Thee.
Take my silver and my gold,Not a mite would I withhold.Take my intellect and useEvery power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,It shall be no longer mine. Take my heart—it is Thine own, It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love: my Lord, I pourAt Thy feet its treasure-store.Take myself, and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee.
Frances Ridley Havergal