I just want You...

My heart burns for You... I’ve heard that You, on purpose, put this hunger in me, this insatiable thirst that only You can fill. You put it in me so that I would seek You. I haven’t always sought You to fill it. I’ve gone after other things- things that seemed easier, closer. Being the All-wise God that You are, You made sure that I would not be satisfied until I came to You. You invite me to come. You wait for me to realise just how much You love me. Yes, my heart burns for You, You are my obsession, even when I don’t realise it. But, even greater than that, Your heart burns for me. You want me!! Sometimes, too often, I feel unwanted, unloved, and what sucks is I think the reason I am not wanted or loved is because I am not good enough in one way or another. Every time that I don’t receive the love I expect I blame myself, I put myself down. You would think I would know better, really. And, actually, I do know better. But there is a great chasm between just knowing and practicing what you know. It’s hard to break a bad habit. It’s freaking hard to love someone you’ve trained yourself to hate. It’s not easy to just change mindsets you’ve had for forever. But then nothing is too hard for You. You can do it. Will you, please, do it for me, do it in me…my heart burns for You

I'm unstuck!!!

Praise Jesus!! ;-) He is good!!!

Father's Day...

Forgiveness- a word that stirs up various emotions in us. Scripture clearly states that we are called to walk in forgiveness. God has forgiven us in a way that is so amazing. We are told to forgive as God has forgiven us. Life has taught me that forgiveness is a process, and right now I feel like I am stuck. Being a problem-solver, this whole being stuck thing is really frustrating!!! Remember when you were little and you would try to put a shirt or dress on and sometimes it would get stuck? I don’t know, maybe it was just me, but it was one of the most frustrating feelings. I feel like that right now. I want to be unstuck…

Uhh

I'm a little frustrated and slightly restless so I'm taking a break from work to post these pics that I just took

This is me trying to be cute:


This is me trying to be silly


This is my Wentworth Miller screen saver. I'm not obsessed, I just think he's a good guy that's really hot;-) The pink hearts are verses, not love notes to Mr. Miller. ;-)




This is Gugu, surprised that I'm taking pictures...



This is Thembi, just chilling...



This is my desk, where I definitely spend a little too much time! ;-)


Ok, back to work ;-)

Kristen don't read this until you watch episode 18!!! ;-) Really, don't

I’m on a mission to get done with season 5 of 24.Those who know me well will know that I am a devoted fan. At times, I have been known to be a little too devoted. ;-) But I just love the show and appreciate the great story lines. I love how it challenges my mind. It may not have any actor, as yet, as hot as Wentworth Miller, but it’s still the greatest show ever!! ;-) Whenever I’m watching, I analyse everything. This is a fact about me that has advantages and disadvantages. (Hopefully more advantages ;-)) I am on episode 19 and had to stop to express some thoughts. Since season 1, my frustration as I have watched 24, has been the fact that the true hero, Bauer, doesn’t not only get robbed of the praise due him, but even gets all kinds of crap after he has pretty much given up himself for not just his country, but pretty much the whole world!! That alone could make up a great sermon. ;-) As I have been watching season 5 and come to the part where it is being revealed that great and respectable men, including the president of the USA are involved in this huge conspiracy and are now trying to have Bauer (who has lost pretty much everything he loved trying to serve them) killed!!!, something else comes to mind- the book A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards.

It’s a book about how brokenness is an essential part of our lives if we are ever to lead in any kind of way. The 3 kings are Saul, David, and Absalom (from the Bible ;-)) King David experienced brokenness in his life several times. He was not perfect, but He was a man after God’s own heart, and He was a great King. King Saul, on the other hand, did not embrace brokenness, but resisted it and ended up in a huge mess, hurting not only himself, but also a bunch of people along the way. Life has taught me that titles given by men mean nothing. I am a rebel at heart. I don’t really prefer diplomacy. I don’t respect names and faces; I respect hearts! Sometimes this gets me in trouble. ;-) I am saddened and, at times, angered by how so many are quick to bow down to ‘titles’, ‘names’, and ‘faces’ before they take the time to know the heart of the person, but I am encouraged by the fact that even though man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart. He is neither fooled nor impressed by façades. Throughout the book, A Tale of Three Kings, the author keeps reminding us that only God knows who is a ‘King David and who is a ‘King Saul and He won’t tell. Our job is not to point fingers and place labels, but rather to have God search our own lest we become ‘King Sauls’- so afraid of pain and brokenness that we are willing to crush anyone that is a threat to whatever it is we think we have achieved, forgetting that all authority belongs to God who gives and takes as He sees fit!!!

I’ve been sick since last Sunday and didn’t really have the option to just stay home and sleep til I got better. I’ve had a strenuous week, and my emotions have not responded well. I have felt like cussing people out, punching some, and doing some other not so great things. A really good friend of mine advised me to find the good in all this the other day. When she said it, I looked, but found no good. I was sick, tired, and really emotionally unstable. This morning I had a breakdown. I’m glad I did. There are times when it hurts so much, we skip past the pain. We go straight to the anger and bitterness. But He won’t let us. He would rather see us cry and feel the pain. Anger and bitterness ‘feel’ safer, but they are just an unstable false wall of protection. Pain reminds us of our weakness. Our weakness reminds us of His strength. Brokenness draws us to Him, and, that’s the point of it all. I guess I have finally found the good- He has drawn me closer to Himself!!

So that, dear friends, is what I learned from 24, A Tale of Three Kings, and a really sucky week. ;-)

For the One I Love

Few words can describe you
Actually there are no words
You are infinitely beyond our limited vocabulary
Immeasurably beyond our comprehension
You dry up entire oceans
Stop time, still storms
And even death can't hold You
You are the Great I Am
But what brings me to my knees
And even to tears
Is the fact that You want me
More than anything
You gave up everything
So You could be with me
You pursue me
Relentlessly, you run after me
You don't have to
You want to
You delight in my praise
You love it when I love You back
You are jealous for my time, my heart
You are the Prince, the Knight in shinning amour
I am the peasant, the slave girl
But I am who You want, who You have chosen
To be Your own, Your beloved, Your bride!!!
Your love is amazing
Your redeeming love brings me to my knees
May it keep me on my knees!
I love You
You have one my heart