He is good!!!

This is how I’ve been feeling for a long time:

Daddy said it would be ok
And I believed him, but it was all just talk
Mother tried her very best
O, I know that, but it was not enough

And here I am now
Staring at these broken pieces

Just let me cry for my broken dreams
For the things that will never be
Let me mourn cause it hurts inside
Let me know its ok to cry

After being hurt long enough, a lot of us put up some kind of defence in order to protect our fragile hearts. Without realising it, I put up my own defence- a mindset: set your expectations low and then you won’t be disappointed (even or especially with God). What a horrible, horrible lie!!! Thank God, He is showing me that in spite of all the crap that goes on in the world, in spite of the pain and hurt we have all experienced, and the, at times, seeming victory of evil over good, He is God, our God and He is good. He is able to do infinitely beyond our wildest dreams or imaginations. We can expect great, great things of Him, and He will surpass those expectations!!! I am saying this to myself right now cause I need it; I need to replace my lies with His truth!!! My God, my Heavenly Father, My Friend, the Lover of my Soul is GOOD!!!!

Psalm 145

A psalm of praise. Of David.

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works. ^[b]

They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,

so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendour of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Therapy?

I'm really emotional right now and the one thing I can think of doing that isn't self-destructive is to blog. :-) I can't really share all the reasons why I feel this way, which kind of takes way from the therapeutic effect this could have. :-( I guess I could write about things that make me happy. Hmmm, let's see... my friends make me happy- sitting on the couch for hours watching TV, talking about all kinds of stuff, crying, laughing...awww my mum just walked into the office and made me feel like a little girl again. She just wanted to see me, she missed me. That made me feel really, really good. I think that as much as try to be independent and in control, my favorite place is on my mum's lap- safe, content( too bad I can't really fit on her lap anymore :-) ), but I can fit on my Heavenly Father's lap no matter how big I get( I'm almost in my late twenties ;-)), and that's what I'm going to do now- sit in His lap- restful, content, safe...Psalm 63
... my little sister, Tamara, baked me a cake for my birthday!! She's the best!!!

At least I'm not yet in my late 20s ;-)

So I am officially one year way from being in my mid-twenties!!! Seriously, I am so old! :-) I like to look back, you know, reflect on the past, what I’ve learned, etc. I have learned a lot and I have so much to be thankful for like a job that I love (except for profile nightmares ;-)) , a family that isn’t perfect( whose is?), but loves me the best way they know how, and friends that I wouldn’t trade for anything!!!

As I was reading through my journal, I was made even more aware of the many blessings my Heavenly Father has given me. There is one thing, however, that was consistent throughout: God loves me with a redeeming, freeing, and unfailing love, and is always pursuing me!!! Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22 I am in awe of this God that not only cleanses me from my sin over and over, but lovingly and passionately draws me to Himself!

I can't spell hte...teh...the :-)

I put on my headphones, my music on the highest volume and listened to the song, " How Great is Our God" on the Hillsong London album, Jesus Is. I was in the office so I couldn't really sing out loud and express myself the way I wanted, but I was so overcome by the awesomeness of God, I had to pause and just bow my head in worship. As I listened to the many voices singing, I pictured us all in heaven singing in worship to our great God!!!!

Our God is great...He is a big God- bigger than every obstacle, trial, test,etc. He is greater than the things that have tried to keep me captive for so long. I've been going through the Bible Study, Breaking Free. The lesson we just got done with was talking about bringing down the storongholds-Satan's lies, and putting up the truth of God. And the truth is that God is great- He is above it all- the pain, the questions, the things that try to keep us captive. What a comforting, liberating truth!!!

Sigh...

“Your eyes are full- full of the future of us…You …

Sing me to sleep, talk down my walls, look through my window’s eyes.

I pray you could be the thief I give the key to…you’re breaking into my heart, and I’m letting you! “Brooke Fraser

Pottery class...

" And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make...can I not do with you as this potter, says the Lord. Look as the clay is in the potter's hand so are you in My hand..." Jeremiah 17:4,6

He breaks the clay, smooshes it, and does all kinds of uncomfortable things to it, but the clay, even when marred, is ALWAYS IN HIS HANDS!!!!

"Crap is a relative term." Greg House

What makes the difference between having a good attitude or a bad attitude? No, it’s not ice cream, whether or not your friends/family are just being mean jerks, lack of sleep, a date with Wentworth Miller, or shopping. :-) And it’s not even PMS!!! Of course those things affect us initially. They definitely affect me more than I’d like. But after that initial moment of frustration, anger, pain, or whatever, we have a choice to make. Some of us don’t even realise that we have a choice, others of us make the wrong choice, and sometimes we make the right one.

What is the choice? I guess it could be put in a few different ways, but I like to think of it as a choice between the big picture and the small one. When we choose the small picture, we find ourselves at the centre. The main point is what was done to me, how I felt, what I didn’t get. I think we have all found that this only leads to more frustration and eventually some kind of sin, then regret etc. The big picture has Christ as the centre. The main point is what is Christ’s will for me here? How best can I please him? How can I show His love in this situation? This leads to peace because really, it’s neither about me nor up to me. It’s His burden to carry, His problem to solve. Mine is to surrender.

I have to quickly say that I consider myself among the worst when it comes to choosing the small picture. It’s like a bat habit, but I’m on my way to breaking it, praise Jesus :-).

Only 3 more episodes of Prison Break :-(

“Nothing is more blessed than to be nothing, so that God may be all…This is the true self-denial to which our Saviour calls us: the acknowledgment that self has nothing good in it except as an empty vessel that God must fill, and also that its claim to be or do anything may not for a moment be allowed. It is in this, above and before everything, that the conformity to Jesus consists. It is the being and doing nothing by ourselves so that God may be all.” Humility, Andrew Murray

I have earned myself the bad reputation of reading several books at one time and taking quite a while to finish them.:-) I’m on a mission to rid myself of that reputation so last night I grabbed the book, Humility by Andrew Murray that I had borrowed from my friend Becca. As I read, I started to cry. I was majorly convicted!! “All wretchedness in this world has its origin in what this cursed, hellish pride- either our own, or that of others- has brought us.” I’ve heard before that pride is the root of many sins. Last night I was convicted of the pride in my own heart, not condemned, convicted. I pretty much cried through the two chapters I read as I realised how my pride keeps me from walking in forgiveness. Yes, people have hurt me, and God cares greatly about my pain, but my forgiving them has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the choice between pride and humility. I would like to type the whole two chapters, but that might be a little time consuming and long. J I have been on this journey of forgiveness, frantically searching for answers on how to ‘successfully forgive’. I can’t forgive, not in myself. There is nothing in me of myself that can. I must humble myself, put aside all bitterness, pain, and even my own strength and let God be all- all of which I need His strength to do anyway- and then let Him live, love, and forgive through me.

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who …made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant… He humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him.” Philippians 2:5-9

“He considered Himself to be the servant of God for the men whom God made and loved. As a natural consequence, He considered Himself to be the servant of men, so that through Him the Father might do His work of love. He never for a moment thought of seeking His own honour or asserting His power to vindicate Himself. His whole spirit was that of a life yielded to God so that God might work in it…. Our place is to yield to him (God) in perfect resignation and dependence in full consent to be and do nothing of ourselves.”